Inescapable Feelings
by Sentimentalstories
Summary: Ciel prostitutes in order to get money for his boyfriend. Even after three years of this, he still isn't willing to submit to anyone. What happens when he meets the mysterious man who makes his body react in unwanted ways? Will he be able to keep his sanity when things get out of hand along with his feelings? A dark story about love and abusive relationship. Full warnings inside!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Surprisingly, I don't own Kuroshitsuji or any of its characters.**

**WARNINGS: This story contains non-consensual sexual moments, swearing, abusive behavior, lots and lots of violence and male-male relationships. Read at your own risk, rated M for a reason.**

**This story is AU and OOC**

**Hello! **

**This is my new fanfiction about Kuroshitsuji. This will be long and I'm feeling excited to post this because this is something I have never written before, long and full of angst. It's kind of a challenge for myself, and I love it!**

**My goal is to post a new chapter at least every other week. I try to stay on schedule but the upcoming entrance exam might mess things up a bit. However, that is not until April so I should be able to post the first 6-7 chapters on time. We'll just have to see what happens afterwards :)**

**But enough blabbering, hopefully you enjoy my story!**

**NOTE : REWRITTEN****19.2.2014****!**

** The biggest thanks there is to ****Aservis Roturier who helped me to write better chapters. Seriously, I still can't thank you enough! You are a lifesaver :)**

Chapter One: Everyday life

"So fucking tight", the man gasped in pure bliss and pushed his hard member deeper inside Ciel's body. Sharp pain flushed through the boy and he grit his teeth. He surely hoped that the man would finish quickly. "Moan for me, bitch."

"N-never", Ciel answered with short breaths. His slender body shivered slightly from the pain and his blue eye was closed, just so that he didn't need to look at the man. "You will never make it pleasurable enough."

"I bought you, you do what I say", the dark-haired man reminded and gained more speed to make the boy moan under him. A deep frown appeared to his face when he didn't get what he wanted, but it surely didn't make him stop trying. He doubled Ciel over and rammed in him, ignoring the pained expression on the boy's face.

This was just a normal day in Ciel Phantomhive's life. For years, he had let different men use his body to find their release. For years, he had suffered from it. All that for just one reason: love. The stupid feeling that made everything else seem so unimportant, like his own wellbeing.

The man bended closer to suck the nape of Ciel's neck. An unwanted shiver ran through the boy's body but he managed to make I look like a shiver from cold. Not that it really mattered what he felt. It was all about the customer.

The dark-haired man grabbed Ciel's hips harder and started to thrust in deeper and faster. Ciel rocked his hips against the man with half-hearted movements but it didn't seem to disturb the client. The man's eyes closed in pleasure as he let out a loud groan when Ciel's muscles contracted around his arousal.

Ciel swallowed the feeling of nausea and turned his head away to look emptily at the wall. It would all be better if he managed to block the action out. He didn't surrender for the man though; it was simply a way of coping.

"I'm sure you enjoy my big thick rod inside you", the man smirked, his normally neat hair now messed up and sweaty from the action. Ciel could see the man was proud of his equipment and it made him laugh harshly. "What?"

"Your thing might be big but you sure don't know how to use it."

The man's face twisted in anger and he threw Ciel to the floor, the boy's head hit the nearby drawer and his vision darkened. A dull pain took control of his senses for a second and he didn't have the time to protest when the man was over him again and pounded in him with increasing speed. Ciel had to bite his lip to prevent any sounds from coming out but it was harder this time. The pain was so massive he couldn't keep all the voices in, no matter how hard he tried.

"So you like it rough, huh", the man snickered above him and angled himself better. "Then I'll give it rough."

The man gave Ciel no other warning before he was bended to the floor on all fours and penetrated with long and hurtful thrusts. This time there was nothing he could have done to prevent the sounds from escaping his thin lips. The man laughed at his pain and kept up the fast pace. Ciel could see the green eyes behind the dark framed glasses look straight at him, the amusement clearly visible.

This kind of treatment continued for minutes. Ciel tried to block away what was happening but it was too hard to do that, the man's moans and laughter filled his ears, and the constant slapping when skin met skin made him feel nauseous. It was so disgusting, yet there was nothing he could have done to stop it. After what felt like an eternity, the man finally found his release. He grunted and bit hard on Ciel's shoulder as he came, filling the boy's insides with his hot liquid.

Ciel's whole body shivered when the man pulled out and he collapsed to the floor, completely spent. He turned his head away when the man put on his clothes and wasn't moving until he heard the door shut close. With a slow movement, Ciel rolled to his back and let his mind go blank. He stared at the yellow ceiling and shivered.

It was cold. It hurt so much. But it was finally over. At least for a while.

After minutes of lying on the floor, Ciel finally rose up, taking support from the drawer when his shivering legs threatened to fall under him. He felt the too familiar feeling of nausea seep in and slowly made his way to the bathroom. The feeling got stronger and his body grew weaker with every step he took as he struggled his way towards the toilet, fighting to keep the nausea in just for a little longer. As soon as his hands hit the cold material, he curled up and let all the disgust take control of his body. He could still feel the man inside him. When the hot liquid slowly dripped out of his hole, he curled up again and cursed the man to the deepest part of hell.

After the violent contractions finally faded, Ciel slumped to the floor, out of breath and feeling too weak to move. He looked at the ceiling where a large mirror reflected his picture, his small body covered in bruises, his navy blue hair was a mess, soaked in sweat and glued to his pale skin. The eye patch over his right eye was loose and almost revealed the mess under it. Ciel tied the patch quickly so that the painful memories didn't have time to come to the surface, at least not this time.

With slow movements, Ciel crawled to the shower, not bothering to get fully up, and only turned the water on. He regretted his move immediately when the icy water hit his skin and made him yelp from the sudden contact. He cursed the broken heater again and turned the water on as hot as it would go. It could only warm up enough to be lukewarm but it was still better than ice-cold.

Ciel stayed in the shower and washed his body all the way through so many times his skin was red from all the rubbing. The disgusting feeling wasn't going off that easily this time and Ciel quietly cursed when his nails scraped his sensitive skin. A small drop of blood washed away with the water and Ciel shut his eye tightly, gritting his teeth in annoyance. Couldn't he get just a one day without hurting himself? Assuming his current situation, he couldn't.

After twenty minutes, he started to feel clean enough and shut the now cold shower before hurrying out to put on some warm clothes. The warmness welcomed his cold body as he put on a thick sweater which collar reached all the way to his chin. He brushed his slightly wet hair with his fingers to sooth the knots before he walked downstairs where his boyfriend waited. As soon as Ciel saw the cold light-blue eyes, he knew he was in trouble.

"Ciel", the annoyed voice welcomed him and Ciel sighted.

"Alois."

"How did it go?" Alois asked though Ciel could see the man had made his own decision already.

"Fine", he answered and was about to walk past his lover when a rough hand grabbed his arm and swung him against the wall.

"Fine my ass!" Alois yelled and wrapped his hand tightly around Ciel's throat. "He wanted his money back!"

"N-not my fault", Ciel said quietly while he struggled against the firm grip.

"It _is_ your fault. If you weren't so bad at fucking, he wouldn't have said that", Alois snapped and threw the boy to the floor. Ciel coughed slightly before he stood up to his shivering feet. His fault? How on Earth was it his fault when the lazy bastard couldn't even fuck properly!

"Why won't you do it then", Ciel spat and received a hard kick to his stomach, the impact doubled him over as he collapsed to the floor, his vision blurring for a second.

"What. Did. You. Say?" Alois yelled between kicks and hit Ciel's ribs every time, making them crack threateningly.

"You should fuck them if you know how it's-"

Ciel didn't have time to finish his sentence when another kick hit his stomach and the world darkened. He shook his head and swallowed, thinking hard what he should say next.

"Why should I waste my time on something you love to do?" Alois spat back and Ciel's uncovered eye snapped open in shock. Loved to do? Did it really look like he _loved_ to fuck around!? How dared he!

"I would stop but your fucking drinking is taking all our money!" Ciel yelled and just barely dodged the stamp pointed to his head. He had gone too far and there was no way getting out of it but he was just so pissed off he didn't care. "You forced me to do this? What the fuck is wrong with you? For fucks sake, you are my lover! No one else would ever do anything like this to the one they love!"

Ciel was sounding desperate but couldn't take control of his emotions anymore. He looked as satisfied smirk rose to Alois' face and the blonde leaned over him to grab his chin between the long digits.

"Love?" His voice was as cold as his ice-blue eyes. There were no gentle feelings in them, hadn't been for a long time. Still, he didn't want to give up. "Who could love a lowlife like you?"

Ciel didn't know what to answer. They had fought about this same thing for so many times it had lost its meaning. A numbing feeling crawled to his body and he shuddered. He couldn't bear to look the other man in the eye, afraid to see how much hatred was in them.

"Can't say huh? Now you can tell why you sleep around?" Alois said victoriously.

"Because you force me to", Ciel said and never had time to cover from the fist that smacked him to the face. Ciel felt his lip crack from the force and the burning sensation took over his chin. He fought back the tears that forced to come to his eyes and gave his nastiest glare to the other man. "You are the cause of this everything!"

Before Ciel could blink, Alois was over him, pinning him in place with his legs, and hit everywhere he could reach. The man's face was flushed pink, his eyes cruel and his teeth tightly together as he breathed between them. When the man again grabbed Ciel's throat, he didn't feel the urge to fight back.

"_You_ are the cause of everything!" Alois snapped and Ciel's mind went fuzzy, the grip around his throat preventing him from breathing correctly. "It's your debt that got us to this. Your cursed parents got the loan to you! So who is the blame from all this?"

"You!" Ciel screamed with his last powers and received a hard punch to his ribs, feeling the bones give away. He shuddered in a breath and felt a sharp pain when his lounges filled with air.

"Who?!"

Ciel knew his body couldn't take it anymore. It was only a matter of seconds, when another punch would come and put him out cold. He knew what he had to say, there was no other way to make the beating stop.

"M-me", Ciel's quiet voice answered. Alois nodded and released the boy's throat. Ciel rolled to his side, holding his throat while the rough coughing fits rocked his body. He felt his eyes water and whipped the tears away before Alois could see them. He wasn't going to cry in front of the man, not in a million years.

Ciel's eyes widened when he felt Alois loom over him and his body was roughly turned over. Alois lifted Ciel's bottom from the ground and tugged his pants down while the boy looked to nothingness, knowing what was happening next.

"Show me what you did with that man", Alois whispered to his ear and bit the earlobe hard, earning a muffled cry from the boy. Ciel heard Alois unbuckle his belt and pull down his pants before he positioned his fully standing erection against Ciel's abused hole. Alois took his time lifting Ciel's sweater over his head and placed his hands to the scarred back.

"God you're disgusting", he smiled. Slight scrapes lingered here and there, most of them caused by Alois himself, which made the man snigger. "So dirty, I like it."

Alois leaned in to lick one of the scrapes and earned a muffled, disgusted cry from the boy underneath him. Ciel shut his eyes tightly. He didn't want this. He didn't want to be violated by the only man he truly loved. What could he possibly do? If he declined, Alois would definitely punish him harder and make him feel even worse. Would fighting really be worth it? When Ciel felt the hard digit force its way inside him, he decided it was.

Without a warning, Ciel smacked Alois away from him; the impact threw the man further just enough so that Ciel could escape. He jumped over his lover's body, the angry hand just barely missing his leg as the boy ran upstairs.

"Ciel! Come back right now!" Alois yelled but the boy didn't stop. Alois started to chase the boy who ran straight to the nearest room where he managed to lock and shut the door just before Alois' nose. "Open the fucking door!"

Ciel put a chair against the door, making it stop the handle from turning. He knew the block wouldn't last long and Alois wasn't even trying to hide the anger in his voice, this would definitely get messy. Ciel ran to his phone and dialed a number he so often used in these situations. The phone rang a couple of times before a drowsy voice answered.

"Ciel… What's wrong, it's quite late", the usually cheerful and clear voice was now rough and slow. Ciel glanced at the clock and saw it was almost 2 am. He ignored the time and started to speak before the boy could interrupt him.

"I might not be able to go to school tomorrow", he said and heard his friend shift in his.

"What is it? Are you sick?" the voice asked worriedly.

"I might be", Ciel answered and shuddered when the door almost cracked open, letting out a nasty sound.

"What was that? Ciel? Is everything alright?"

"Everything's fine Finny. I just… wanted to let you know in case I don't show up", Ciel said and shut the phone just when Alois stormed into the room, his eyes locked to Ciel's as he walked slowly towards his pet.

* * *

Soft ringing lured Ciel out of the darkness. His blue eye opened slowly as he looked around and tried to figure out what the voice was. His whole body hurt, it was difficult to breathe and Ciel was sure a few ribs were broken. Not that it was the first time. He turned to his side, wincing from the pain, and looked around the dark, messed up room. Alois wasn't anywhere near, which of Ciel was grateful. He knew that the man wouldn't hurt him when he was in this position but it still wouldn't have felt comfortable it the man was there.

The ringing stopped for a second, only to start again. Now Ciel realized it was his cell phone, lying under a pile of bloodied sheets. It took all the power Ciel had left to crawl to the phone. He looked at the screen and saw Finny's name.

"Ciel! Are you alive!?" Finny yelled as soon as the phone was answered.

"Obviously I am", Ciel said with a very hoarse voice. Every word made his throat burn and he gasped in pain.

"God, you sound awful", Finny said and could hear the boy rustle something on the other end. "Do you need me come over? I'm just outside your apartment, it takes just five minutes for me to-"

"DON'T COME!" Ciel yelled. His heart pounded loudly in his chest as the fear took control. No, Finny mustn't come here; he couldn't let the other boy see the apartment, or the state he was in. "I'm fine, you don't need to come."

"Are you sure? I can give you your homework too", Finny offered but Ciel declined.

"I'll be coming to school tomorrow. You can give them to me there."

"You think that's a good idea? You sound like crap", Finny stated with a worried voice.

"I'm fine. This kind of thing will be over in a second", Ciel assured and heard his friend let out a long breath before he dropped the subject.

"By the way Ciel, I have to tell you something", suddenly Finny's voice rose up and he started to speak faster. "You know the bar, Undertaker's, that's on the center? There's a very nice restaurant right next to it, the one that's very popular between lovers, well guess what, Bard asked me to eat there with him. A date!"

Ciel's eyes widened in surprise. Bard did?

"Are you sure it's a date?" Ciel asked. Finny had so many times misunderstood the situation and gotten his heart broken, Ciel really hated to see his best friend so depressed

"I'm positive", Finny snickered. "I was so surprised when he popped the question, we were just calmly walking on the road and he saw the restaurant, and he immediately asked if I wanted to go there with him. Of course I said yes!"

"I'm glad for you", Ciel smiled. He changed his position slightly and hissed from the pain. He had almost forgotten what state he was in by just listening his friend's voice and would have done anything to keep talking to him. "Finny, I have to go, but feel free to talk to me tomorrow."

"Okay. Try to get yourself a better. Bye!"

"Bye."

Ciel shut the phone and looked around the room. The mess was immense. Someone had knocked the drawer over; all the clothes inside now lingered here and there on the floor. The mattress was out of place and Alois had ripped the sheets in half; stains of blood lingered here and there. Ciel didn't have to think at all to know where the blood had come from. He still felt the soreness on his lower back and grunted in annoyance. He wasn't sure how much more his body could take anymore, not to mention his heart.

With a loud grunt Ciel lifted himself up the floor and did his best to ignore the aching body as he started to clean the mess. He had to get everything done before Alois got back, experience had shown him that it he didn't, the earlier ministration would repeat itself. He managed to clean the room just in time when he heard the front door clicked open and the heavy steps walked towards the room. Ciel held his breath when the door opened and Alois' narrow eyes peered through the room.

"Come downstairs", Alois turned and walked back downstairs. Ciel let the breath out and follower his lower with careful steps.

"Sit", Alois ordered and pointed to a chair next to the table. Ciel sat down and kept his eyes on the bag the man was carrying. The smell of warm food hit Ciel's nostrils and he heard his stomach growl. He frowned and tried to remember the last time he ate? He really couldn't tell.

Ciel eyes widened when Alois placed a freshly cooked meal in front of him. Ciel stared at the steaming pork with big pile of mashed potatoes and fresh vegetables. Water rose to his tongue as he looked at his portion but something kept him from reaching out to it. He turned his eyes to Alois.

"What's this for

"You haven't eaten anything yet, have you", Alois said and started to eat his own meal. "Eat it before it gets cold."

This was highly unnatural. Ciel scanned his lover's face and tried to look for any hint that would tell his true intention. Alois didn't look one bit different from normal, maybe a bit more stressed but that was it. Ciel tested the food with his fork before he took a bite; the taste filled his mouth and made his stomach growl. He managed to eat half of the portion before Alois dropped the bomb.

"I have a new job for you."

_Knew it_, Ciel thought and dropped the fork to the food. He had known this would happen but had hoped his prejudice would be proven wrong. It never gave him any god if Alois was being nice.

"It's a week-long job and he demanded that you must do everything you are told. It starts tomorrow; you meet him at Undertaker's, the bar near the center. You will skip school for the whole week and if you do anything wrong, you know the punishment."

Ciel looked emptily at his food, not really seeing anything. A week-long job? Right after what he just experienced? He swallowed the lump in his throat and placed his shaking hands to his lap. He didn't want it, no matter how much money they got. Week-longs were always the worst.

"Ciel, are you listening?" Alois asked and Ciel realized he had stayed quiet.

"I heard you."

The plain answer didn't please Alois and he roughly pushed the table against Ciel's abused chest. The boy groaned in pain and curled forward to protect his body even a little.

"How do you answer me?" Alois asked.

"Yes, your Highness", Ciel answered, his head lowered down. This answer seemed to please Alois more and he pulled the table back to continue eating as if nothing had happened.

"Be sure you don't disappoint me again."

* * *

When Ciel next morning woke up to the alarm of his cellphone, he immediately wished he could stay in bed all day. His pain was even worse and it took him almost two minutes to get out the bed and triple the time do to the morning chores. The thought of the upcoming week threatened to crawl to his mind but he did his best to ignore it.

_A week isn't such a long time anyway, I can handle it_, he told to himself, knowing it was a lie. Ciel didn't want to think about anything. Not about the empty apartment, not about the cold side of the bed, and surely not about the "I'll miss you" he never got. As he walked down the street towards his university, his thoughts turned to his friends that waited for him inside. He sped up his steps the best he could and rushed to the auditorium where his lecture was held.

Just when he was about to get inside, a firm hand grabbed his arm and pinned him towards the wall.

"Well well well, if it isn't Ciel Phantomhive", Ciel turned around towards the too familiar voice and his eyes widened as he recognized the dark framed glasses and green eyes. "Agent you going to greet me?" The man whispered to his ear, making Ciel shiver in disgust. "I bet you missed me."

"I wouldn't miss such a lowlife in a million years", Ciel spat and pushed the man away from him. The dark-haired man took a deep breath and fisted his hands, his eyes narrowing slightly.

"The way you moaned that night simply says otherwise."

"You were the worst of my life!" Ciel fumed and flinched when he was suddenly pressed against the wall, the man's body pressed tightly against his as he raised a fist to hit the smaller boy.

"Why you little piece of-" The man started but stopped when a sadistic smile rose to his face. He leaned closer to the boy and gave his earlobe a long lick. "Should I fuck you right here so that everyone can see how much you really enjoy it?" He whispered and groped his crotch. The boy winched from the pressure and tried to push the man away from him, only to find that his body was strictly pinned in place.

"You'll be dead before you even start", Ciel spat and tried to glare at the man, only to notice that he couldn't move it either. Damn it! He was in a serious trouble and there was no way out of it. Not unless the man wanted to free him, which he obviously wouldn't do in a long time.

"We'll see about that", the man smirked and Ciel felt the cold hand moving up his stomach, slipping under his shirt and caressing his bare chest. He let out a sharp gasp when the man's hands moved over his nipple, making him grit his teeth. Ciel shut his eyes tightly and tried to think his way out of the situation. If he could just move his body…

"What's happening here?"

Ciel startled slightly when he recognized the voice speaking to them. In front of him stood Sebastian Michaelis, every girl's wet dream and every boy's nightmare. His black hair sparkled in the light and his slender hips moved from side to side with every step he took. Red orbs locked to Ciel and the boy swallowed, a flush appeared to his face and he turned his eyes away slowly. Sebastian was able to turn every _girl_ in to a mush just by looking at her, so why was the man making his body react too.

"Sebastian. What a pleasure to see you", the man holding Ciel said and continued to touch the small boy. "Would you mind giving us some privacy?" 

"William, the teacher wants to see you. So if you want to keep your status as the vice president, I suggest you go immediately", there was no hint of threats in the man's voice but William seemed to shrink under those strong eyes. He gave a last glance towards the Ciel and roughly pushed him away.

"Slut!" He spat between his teeth and walked away, quietly cursing the red-eyed man.

Sebastian turned to Ciel, who most definitely wanted to leave the place instant. It felt like the man's eyes saw right through him and suddenly Ciel became very cautious of his situation. He quickly tugged his shirt back down and straightened his slightly messed up hair. He tried to look everywhere but to the man but felt the man's eyes looking up and down his body. Sebastian waited for Ciel to look at him before he spoke:

"Did he hurt you?" He asked, his voice hinting a bit of worry. He covered Ciel's cheek with his palm and the boy felt a spark of electricity go through his body. The feeling was strange to him, something he never got from another person's touch, and yet, here he was, almost ready to purr under the slightest touch of Sebastian Michaelis.

"I'm fine", the boy pushed Sebastian away from him.

"Would you like me to accompany you to the class?" Sebastian asked. Ciel shook his head, finding it very hard to utter a word. "Are you sure? What if he comes back?"

"I-I can handle it", Ciel said quietly and started to walk away. "I don't need your concern."

He heard Sebastian sigh when he turned to leave but ignored it. He didn't understand why Sebastian was being so nice to him. People were never nice to him, unless they wanted something in return. Though Sebastian wasn't like the others, he still found it very hard to trust the man. It was easiest that way.

Ciel had walked for some time when he noticed that Sebastian was following him just a couple of steps behind him. Ciel glanced quickly at the man, his red eyes scanned the posters on the wall and it didn't look like he was planning anything. When Sebastian turned his eyes to Ciel and smiled, the boy felt his face starting to burn and quickened his steps. When he opened the auditorium door and saw his two friends sitting in the front row, he let out a sigh and hurried to them. He managed to go only a few steps when someone suddenly pushed him to the floor.

"Disgusting scum!" A man yelled and stomped to Ciel's fingers. The boy let out no sound when his fingers started to burn and only looked at the Chinese man standing right in front of him. "We don't need the likes of you to our school."

"Yeah, go back where you came from", a red-haired man next to him laughed, his shark-like teeth exposed to the boy.

"Lau! Grell!" Ciel heard Sebastian yell behind him. "Let him go."

"Can't you see Sebastian, it was his own clumsiness that he fell, we were just trying to help him", Grell said and gave his hand to Ciel; the boy only brushed it roughly away. "See, he's the cause of this."

"He hasn't done anything to you", Sebastian said.

"He's alive, that's enough excuse for me."

At this point Ciel didn't feel like listening anymore and quickly escaped from the arguing men. He rushed to the seats where his friends waited and slumped to the chair, exhausted from all the commotion. Finny's turquoise eyes turned to him, his smile dropping when he saw Ciel's distress. Bard behind him also stared at him but stayed quiet as always, the match slightly moving on his lips.

"How are you", Finny asked quietly and Ciel sighted. "Fine."

"Were they teasing you again?" Finny asked and turned to look at the three men on the entrance.

"Nothing new, is it", Ciel said and took out his books and notes. He started to scan through them when he suddenly felt Finny's gentle fingers touch his neck.

"You're hurt", the quiet and soft voice said. Ciel flinched and immediately covered his throat. Finny must have seen the bruises.

"It's nothing Finny; really", Ciel forced out a laugh and looked at his best friend. He noticed that also Bard stared at him but the man still said nothing.

"Who was it?" Finny asked and lowered his voice. "Was it Lau again?"

"No", Ciel answered and scratched his nails nervously. "It's really nothing serious."

"Promise me?" Finny said and pointed out his hand. Ciel stared at him and swallowed.

"Promise", he said and took the hand, shaking it gently. His stomach felt like it was on fire, the guilt burning his mind and body. He didn't like to lie to his friends, but it was the only way from letting them know his situation. It wasn't like they could help anyway. It was best for them all if he stayed quiet about it. The best for all…

**- To Be Continued -**

(The other two chapters will be rewritten during this week also.)


	2. Chapter 2

**NOTE: Rewritten 21.2.2014. I changed some parts, but nothing major I hope.**

Chapter Two: The contract

Ciel startled when a paper ball that hit the back of his head and dropped to the table with a soft thud. The lecture had been going for only thirty minutes and already Ciel got pranks done to him. He looked at the white ball on the table and wondered if he should open it or not. Almost every lecture he got something thrown at him and he just didn't care about it anymore. Besides, he already guessed what the paper contained.

He slowly unrolled the paper and saw just what he had guessed: a sloppy picture of him having sex with two men. One of them was behind him, grabbing his hips tightly while the other male thrust his hard rod inside the boy's mouth. Ciel crushed the paper and turned his head towards Lau who sat a few roads behind him, sniggering with Grell. Not a surprise. Ciel's eyes stopped at Sebastian who sat next to them and looked apologetically at Ciel. The boy snorted and turned his back to Sebastian, he really didn't care what the other man felt. He was their friend, so he was just as bad.

"What's this?" Finny asked and took the paper from Ciel's hand.

"Don't look", Ciel whispered and tried to snatch the paper back but Finny had it too far away.

"Why? Is it a love letter? From certain Mr. Michaelis perhaps?" Finny sniggered and Ciel's eyes widened.

"From Sebastian? Why would he sent me a love letter?" Ciel watched as Finny covered his laughter in his palm.

"Oh, come on! Like you haven't seen how he looks at you", Finny pointed at the man behind them. "Even now, he clearly has a crush on you."

Ciel resisted the urge to turn around and instead smacked his friend's arm.

"Don't be stupid", Ciel leaned back on his chair. "If anything, he's just messing with me like everyone else."

"Just you wait and see", Finny said mysteriously and Ciel was just about to ask what his friend meant when a figure in front of them brought them back to reality.

"Is my lecture not interesting enough for you two?" Their professor asked, her blue eyes stared at them behind her thin glasses. The look in them was piercing and made Ciel feel small, and guessing by Finny's shrugged figure, his friend felt the same. "I know neuropsychology might not be the most interesting part in psychology, but I assure you, you need to pass this curse too."

"No miss Anafeloz", Ciel answered and shook his head. "It is very interesting."

"Then pay attention", she snapped and turned to leave when her eyes hit the paper ball on Finny's hand. "What's that?"

Finny gave Ciel a careful glance before he gave the ball to their professor. She unfolded the paper and scanned the picture, her face expressionless. 

"Who drew this?" She asked, her eyes turned to scan through the class and some of the students flinched. The class stayed quiet, everyone too scared to let out any sound. "If you don't tell me, I will find it on my own. And trust me, it won't be pretty."

She started to walk through the class, her long lilac hair swung from side to side when she walked and stopped occasionally to stare at some students. When she reached Lau, she stopped and stared at the man for a long time. Lau stared back, his expression natural until he rose up.

"It was me."

"Detention. Come to my room after class.", the professor said and went back to the front to continue the lecture like nothing had happened. Ciel caught Lau's eyes and the anger he saw in them made his stomach turn. The gaze hinted that Ciel was in a real trouble, and though he wasn't that scared of the man, he had connections. If Ciel weren't careful, it would surely become dangerous.

Suddenly another paper ball hit his head and Ciel groaned in frustration. He smacked his hand to the table and opened the ball, ready to rip it in pieces. What was inside wasn't a bad picture of him though. It was writing, the letters tall and cursive.

'Follow me after class, don't let anyone know.

- Sebastian'

Ciel quickly glanced at Sebastian but the man focused on the board ahead. What was the man thinking? That Ciel would follow him without a question? That Ciel didn't know what kind of a man he was? He must have been out of his mind! Ciel crumbled the paper to his hand and pushed it to his pocket. Like hell was he doing anything that Sebastian Michaelis told him to do.

* * *

When the lecture ended, Ciel packed his things and followed his friends out the auditorium. He saw Sebastian look at him but turned his head away quickly. Whatever the man was planning, it wasn't working. Finny and Bard talked happily to each other, and Ciel just listened to their talk. Apparently, they were going to the restaurant Finny had mentioned earlier to keep their date. To think this was the last moment he saw them before his week-long job really pained his heart. It wasn't that long, but it felt long without the support of his friends.

"Guys?" Ciel called and they both stopped. He took a deep breath, carefully thinking his words. They needed to know, otherwise they would be worried. "I… I will be away for a week again."

"What? Again? I'll miss you so much!" Finny yelled and hugged Ciel tightly. "Do you really have to go?"

"I wish I didn't", Ciel answered and pushed his friend away.

"Is it the same dog again?" Finny asked and Ciel nodded. He had told ages ago that he took care of a sick dog when his owner was out of town. The 'dog' had a stomach cancer and was nearly dying, that's why Ciel had no choice to leave him be even for a second. "Poor thing, but he is fighting very hard. What has it been? Half a year already?"

"Something like that", Ciel said. "He is very strong."

They started to walk again when someone grabbed Ciel's arm and stopped him.

"Wha-"

"Come with me", he heard Sebastian's deep voice and the man started to pull him with him.

"Hey! Let me go-mmph!" A large hand pressed over Ciel's mouth silenced his protest.

"Shut up or they'll hear you", Sebastian whispered between his teeth and continued to pull Ciel with him. Ciel did his best to struggle but Sebastian's glare stopped him half way. The look was something he had never seen on Sebastian's face, filled with annoyance and anger. Ciel swallowed and let Sebastian take him to an empty room before he broke himself free.

"Get the hell away from me!" He yelled and pushed the man further away.

"I think I told you to follow me after class", Sebastian's voice was deep and made Ciel's stomach twist unpleasantly. The man was seriously angry.

"Why do I have to do something _you_ tell me to do?" Ciel spat back. Sebastian started to walk towards him and Ciel had no other choice but to back away, the aura around the man making him shrink a little.

"I wouldn't have sent you the message if it wasn't important", Sebastian said and walked towards the boy until his back hit the wall. Ciel looked around him and saw that there was no way out of it. Sebastian was close, but didn't touch him. It didn't matter though; he could easily grab him if the boy was to escape.

"W-what was so important?" Ciel asked and swallowed when he found his voice being unsteady. How was it possible for this man to make him react like this?

"Lau is planning something against you", Sebastian's voice was so serious Ciel had suppress his chuckle.

"Tell me something I didn't know."

"You don't understand. This time it's serious", Sebastian said.

"Like he has the guts to do anything serious", Ciel snorted. "He's just a pussy when it comes to-"

"Listen to me!" Sebastian banged the wall next to Ciel's head and the boy flinched. "He's going to hurt you."

"How?" Ciel asked, not really believing what the man was saying. Like he could be hurt in the university grounds.

"Needle shower", Sebastian answered and Ciel's eyes widened.

"He's that imaginative?"

"Ciel, you need to take this seriously. He's-"

"Sebastian. I don't see why you are telling me this", Ciel looked deeply on the man's eyes. "Doesn't it mean that your plan is going to waste too?"

"My what?" Sebastian asked and the boy snorted again.

"Like this isn't a part of your plan already", Ciel said. "Look, I have experienced a lot in my life; one stupid joke isn't going to hurt me that much."

Sebastian grit his teeth as he banged the wall again, his red eyes fixated on Ciel's.

"Look, I know you don't trust me but I really need you to believe me this time. Stay out of the main door."

"Why do you care where I go?"

"I just do it. Please?" Sebastian's voice was so serious Ciel felt an odd twist in his stomach. Maybe the man wasn't playing with him. Could he really be trusted?

"Well well, someone has you under his spell already?" A mocking voice said behind them and Sebastian turned away from Ciel immediately. He looked at Grell who walked slowly towards them. He didn't stop until he was just an inch away from Sebastian.

"Get lost, Grell", Sebastian said but the red-haired man only smirked and revealed his sharp-like teeth.

"Oh, but then you'll stay together with him", Grell pouted and put his hand on Sebastian's shoulder. "God knows how fast he'll take you away, Sebas-chan." Grell rose to his toes and licked Sebastian's lips slowly. "That would be awful."

"I said knock it off", Sebastian pushed Grell away from him but the man just bounced back.

"Aww, just a little kiss, please?" Grell blinked his eyes on Sebastian and leaned in closer. "Just a small one…"

Ciel's eyes widened in surprise when Grell pulled Sebastian in to a heated kiss. He could see Grell's tongue go in Sebastian's mouth and the red-hair groaned, pushing their bodies together. The kiss seemed to be endless and Ciel felt his insides turn cold. Sebastian wasn't pushing Grell away anymore; just simply let the man do whatever he wanted. When Grell's eyes turned to Ciel and told him to fuck off, Ciel took a shaky breath and ran away, not bearing to look at them anymore. He ran as far as he could go. Sebastian yelled his name at some point but he didn't care. He just had to get out. Immediately!

His heart pounded loudly in his chest when he finally stopped, the image of Sebastian and Grell kissing seemed to be stuck on his retina. He had known it was a prank. Ciel had to give them credit though; the situation had really shocked him but he couldn't tell why. Sebastian had looked so serious, that for a second, Ciel had actually believed that the man was worried about him. How stupid of him. Like anyone would really care for him.

"Ciel!"

Ciel heard Finny call his name and turned his eyes to his two best friends that came running towards him. "Where did you disappear?"

"I had a small talk with Sebastian", Ciel answered.

"What did he want?" Finny asked and lied his hand on Ciel's shoulder. "You look pale, is everything alright?"

"Everything's fine", Ciel said and brushed the hand off before he continued. "He asked me to avoid the main door."

"Why would he ask that?" Finny asked and looked at Bard.

"He told me it was a prank", Ciel let out a small laugh and Finny frowned.

"You don't trust him?"

"Why should I", Ciel said and grit his teeth. "He's just as bad as anyone else."

"I trust him", Bard said behind them and made Ciel look at him with surprised eyes. "He has never done anything to hurt anyone. He's not a bad person."

"You really think so?" Ciel asked and felt a warm feeling appear to his body. "Would he seriously care for me?"

"There's no doubt about it", Bard answered and smiled. Ciel couldn't help but believe his friend and let out a small smile himself. It Bard trusted him, so could Ciel.

"Besides, he's attracted to you. It would be bad for him if you started to hate him", Finny sniggered and slapped Ciel's back.

"Finny seriously, knock it off", Ciel said but couldn't keep a little blush away from his face.

"Why should I when I'm only telling you the truth", Finny smiled but the left the following comments to himself. "By the way, where are you meeting the customer this time?"

"At the undertaker's", Ciel answered and looked as Finny's eyes lit up.

"Undertaker's? That's just next door from the restaurant we are going!" Finny said and looked at Bard with pleading eyes. "Can Ciel come too, please? Just for a little while!"

"Sure, I don't mind", Bard answered with a smile. The question made Ciel frown and he pulled his friend closer so that he could whisper to his ear.

"What are you doing? I thought this was the night for only you two", Ciel said and Finny's expression dropped a bit before he whispered back.

"I'm too nervous to go alone."

"You'll be fine. You talk to Bard all the time", Ciel said but his words didn't seem to courage Finny enough.

"I just have a bad feeling about this. Maybe it really isn't a date", Finny said and glanced at Bard before he continued. "He's not acting all that different from before. I thought he would be excited or something but he's just so… Bard."

"You know he doesn't show much emotions", Ciel said and Finny frowned again.

"That's why it's so hard."

Ciel looked at Finny for a long minute before he said: "Okay, I'll come. But I leave as soon as it looks like you can handle it."

"Sure, thank you, Ciel", Finny smiled his sunny smile and rushed to Bard. Ciel knew their situation wasn't the best and Finny must have been very anxious about their evening. So many times something went wrong so it was understandable. If only this time, everything would turn out well for Finny.

As soon as they got to the restaurant, Ciel understood why it was so popular among couples. It was small and homey. The walls showed parts of red brick wall, here and there were paintings of love couples or gentle landscapes. The roof was high, long logs went throughout the air, and small lamps lightened the air dimly, creating a gentle atmosphere. Everywhere Ciel looked, he saw coupled fallen to their own little worlds. Some fed big pieces of cakes to their lovers as others just drank tea and talked. Ciel even thought he saw a couple kissing each other in a dark corner.

They took a table next to a shell filled with tealeaves that created a mixed smell of sweet and bitter tea. Finny and Ciel ordered some tea while as Bard took a coffee along with a huge piece of chocolate cake. Finny's eyes widened when he saw the treat and he stole most of it to himself and left just a small portion for Ciel and Bard. Not that Ciel minded much, he was getting more and more nervous the closer the client's meeting came and doubted that any more food could stay in.

"Oh yeah, did I tell you about the girl I met the other day?" Bard said when he ate the last piece of cake. Ciel shook his head and Finny seemed to become more alert, the spoon in his mouth stilled in place as he looked at Bard.

"She's Mey-Rin, a super-hot lady who has these huge… glasses. The redhead", Bard said excitedly and looked at both of his friends. Finny's smile dropped a bit, not enough for Bard to notice. Ciel knew immediately that this conversation would end badly.

"She's from upper class, right?" Finny asked, his hands shaking slightly. 

"That's her. A perfect package. Round chest, long eyelids, perfect tongue... And those legs, ah. The best night of my life", Bard closed his eyes, his face oozing from happiness, happiness that made Finny drop his spoon to the plate with a loud clang. The orange haired boy lowered his head as he shook heavily. Though Ciel couldn't see his face, he knew that small tears threatened to break free. "You know what? I asked her to be my girlfriend."

"W-what did she s-say?" Finny whispered and waited for the reply.

"She hasn't said anything yet but promised to answer sometime on the future", Bard laughed. Finny couldn't take it anymore and quickly stood up, the table jolted from the impact.

"Wow, what-"

"I'm really glad for you", Finny said between gritted teeth and pulled Ciel to him. "Excuse us."

They stormed to the restroom and before the door managed to close, Finny hit the wall in frustration, his hand cracking unpleasantly. Ciel listened the hurtful cries as his friend doubled to the floor. It wasn't the first time that Bard spoke about some girl while he was with Finny. Sometimes he even told him very specific description about what had happened during the night, breaking Finny's heart repeatedly. This had been going on for almost two years now and Ciel truly wondered how much longer the small boy could take.

"That... That damned idiot!" Finny cursed and dried his eyes to his sleeve. "How could he!"

"Finny-"

"I truly thought this was my change!" Finny cried out and hugged Ciel tightly, burying his nose to the nook of his neck. CIel felt the warm tears drop to his shoulders and his friend shook slightly. This shock had clearly been more than Finny was used to and there were no words that could be said to make him feel better. He hugged his friend tightly, not knowing what else he could do.

"W-what if they start going out?" Finny whispered when the sobbing finally subdued. He pointed his swollen turquoise eyes to Ciel's and demanded for an answer the boy couldn't give. "It would break me!"

"No one knows what will happen. You just have to wait and see", Ciel said quietly and saw a small smile appear to Finny's face.

"Yeah, you're right. It's stupid to stress over at it right now", he said and hugged Ciel once more before he let go and washed his face with cold water to make the redness on his face disappear. Ciel watched as the boy dried his face and looked at his reflection before he placed his usual smile to his face. If it weren't the slightly red eyes, Ciel couldn't have told the difference between his usual and fake smile.

"Well then, shall we go?"

"Actually, Finny, I have to go now", Ciel apologized and grabbed Finny's hand. "I really wish I could stay for longer but..."

"It's not like you can do anything about it", Finny said with a smile and guided Ciel out the restroom. Bard casually drank coffee when they walked towards him but almost dropped his mug to the table when his eyes stopped to Finny.

"What happened?" He asked and took the boy's hand to his own. "You're bleeding!"

"It's nothing. There was a cockroach I took care of", Finny smiled and tugged his hand away from Bard. Ciel hadn't even noticed the small wounds on the boy's knuckles.

"Cockroach? And you took care of it by your hand?" Bard let out a small laugh. "You sure are violent."

Finny fell silent and Ciel saw the distress on his pale face. He surely hoped he could stay. The situation seemed to be overwhelming to the boy and Ciel sighted heavily. If only an hour longer, it would be great. Sadly, that wasn't possible.

"Well then, I have to go", Ciel waved to his friends and gave Finny one last assuring glance.

"Have a nice week", both Finny and Bard said in unison and laughed immediately afterwards. Ciel gave them an empty smile in return. 'Nice' was probably the last word to describe the upcoming week.

"You too, bye", Ciel waved and stepped out of the restaurant to a cold evening air. He took a deep breath, and tried to calm down his nerves as he walked down the street. He gave himself the usual strength-speech. Only a week, no time at all. He could handle it, he always did. Only a week…

It took Ciel five minutes to walk to the Undertakers. The huge sign and the light showed far and it wasn't hard to guess what kind of people it attracted. If the porter dressed only in black leather pants and a police cap wasn't enough cue, the population inside sure was.

Everywhere Ciel looked, he saw lots and lots of gay people, some of them smooched and touched each other in a way that left no room for imagination. Most people just calmly drank and chatted while others kept some kind of a dare contest, yelling loudly and clapping every time someone completed their task. Ciel was actually very amazed about how openly the men let know they were gay. He even saw a few guys that walked round nearly naked and begged for someone to slap them on their round butts.

"Ah, a new guy!" a grey haired man shouted behind the counter and waved for Ciel to come to him. Ciel looked around him before he walked to the man. The man had long bangs that covered his face almost completely. The only things visible were his wicked smile and a long scar that ran across his face.

"What's your name, honey", he said and poured Ciel a glass of something transparent. The smell of liquor filled Ciel's nostrils and he suppressed a gag. Alcohol always made him feel bad. "Cat got your tongue?"

"I don't like talking to strangers", Ciel said and looked away from the man.

"Ah, pardon me. My name is Undertaker, I own this bar", the man said and bowed deeply. Undertaker? Really? It wasn't someone's real name, was it?

"I'm Ciel."

"Ciel? Phantomhive right?" Undertaker asked and Ciel startled a bit. He frowned before Undertaker showed him a contract paper all Ciel's clients had. This was Ciel's client. Seriously?

"Yes", Ciel said, still slightly dumbfounded by his client. This man didn't look like he was too old, maybe around his thirties and didn't look that bad. Unfortunately, Ciel had so many times witnessed his clients change their behavior midway he didn't let first impressions fool him anymore. "Where would you like for me to go?"

"Oh, just go to that room over there, I'll be there in just a bit", Undertaker said and pointed at a dark door at the opposite side of the bar. Ciel nodded and took the glass with him, not intending to drink it though.

When he reached the room he was pointed to, it was like he entered a whole new world. When the bar itself was clean and decorated nicely, this room was like a rubbish dump. Dirty pizza boxes lied everywhere, the tables were covered in dust and the old sofa was moldy and stank like something had died in it. Ciel held back the nausea and tried to breathe through his sleeve so the stink wouldn't be so bad.

He wondered around the room and tried to find a place he could sit on. When he glanced at the kitchen, he nearly threw up. Piles of rotten food lingered here and there, the dishes unwashed and gathered to a shaking tower. When Ciel spotted a window, he almost yelped in joy before he noticed that it wouldn't even budge, mostly because of the stuff that lied in front of it. Seriously, could someone live in this kind of place? Without being seriously ill?

Suddenly the door opened and two men entered the room. They held each other close and kissed deeply, clearly unaware of their surroundings. Ciel looked away when the lilac haired man pulled down his pants and showed his round bottom to the whole world.

"Soma, you are so _hot_", the white haired man whispered and pulled his own pants down. "I want you so badly."

"Agni, do me, now!" Soma's cheeks were flushed pink and his lilac hair slightly messed up. He bended against the wall and pressed his bottom against the other man. They both grunted in bliss when the taller man entered Soma, the small man moved his hips wantonly.

"F-faster!" Soma pleaded and Agni sped up his thrusts, slamming the small man in such speed Ciel wondered how it didn't hurt. They shared many kisses, mostly because Agni swallowed Soma's loud moans. Agni changed speeds and made the man under him shiver in pleasure. Soma's eyes were closed as he grabbed the back of his lovers head.

"I love you", Agni said and nibbled Soma's neck, moving his hand to the leaking member. Soma groaned and bit down to his hand, barely able to muffle his moans. Their movements became irregular as they neared their peak, Soma blabbering some nonsense as Agni buried himself deep inside the man.

"A-agn-nnnh! I-I'm c-coming!" Soma yelled and Agni placed his hand to cover his mouth.

"Just a bit more", Agni huffed and sped up his thrusts. Soma threw his head to the ceiling and let out a loud scream as he came, Agni pumping his pulsating shaft. With a couple more thrusts, the white haired man came also, burying his groan to the shivering man's neck.

"Ah, Soma!" the man grunted and he collapsed to the floor, taking the smaller man with him. "I can never get enough of you."

"Me neither", Soma said and took Agni to a hungry yet slender kiss. "You are awesome."

"Nothing compared to you", Agni smiled before he gave his lover one last kiss and rose up, helping the bit shivering man to find his balance. Suddenly Soma turned his eyes to Ciel and his face went pale as he quickly covered his genitals.

"Wh-who are you?" he asked in shock whereas Agni just smiled happily.

"You didn't notice him?"

"You say you did?" Soma asked. "Why the heck didn't you say anything!?"

"Would you have let me continue if I did?" Agni asked and kissed Soma's neck sweetly. Soma blushed and lowered his head in defeat when Agni turned to Ciel with a smile.

"Sorry to have bothered you", he smiled and bowed. "We will take our leave now."

Soma gave Ciel one last glance before he followed the man out the room, Ciel didn't know which way to turn. He just stood there and thought about the action that just occurred. Action, that seemed to be so easy for them. Ciel doubted he could ever feel anything even close to the heat those two men shared, it was just psychically impossible. The lilac haired man seemed to even enjoy it! Like sex wasn't only pain? Ciel snorted and put his hand over his covered eye, feeling pain take over it for a second. Yeah right. Sex was nothing but pain.

Suddenly Ciel felt like he really needed to get out of there, to get some fresh air, and possibly disappear before anything happened. Screw the client, screw the punishment he would definitely get later. He just needed to get out. Ciel roughly opened the door and ran out, only to bump to someone standing right in front of the door. The impact made Ciel fall to the floor and he groaned in pain when his head hit the doorframe.

"I'm terribly sorry! I hope… Ciel?"

Ciel's eyes widened when he saw the red orbs that looked worriedly at him. Not him. Not in a place like this. Sebastian kneeled beside the boy and pointed out his hand to lift him up. Ciel just glared at the hand and shifted his body further away.

"Sorry, I didn't notice you", the man said. "What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same question."

"I don't feel like I need to answer to that", Sebastian smirked and Ciel fell silent when Sebastian's hand wrapped around his waist and lifted him up in a smooth movement. "Would you like to have a drink with me?"

"W-what?" Ciel asked, unable to believe his ears. Sebastian Michaelis was offering him a drink. After the incident just a few hours ago. "No!"

"Why not?" Sebastian asked, his voice sounded honestly disappointed but Ciel couldn't care less.

"First of all, I don't drink, and secondly, I would never be happy to drink with you", Ciel spat and Sebastian laughed at him.

"Never say never", Sebastian said and Ciel opened his mouth to scold him again when a shadow appeared behind Sebastian and made him shut up completely.

"I see you find it difficult to fulfill my orders", Undertaker said, his voice and composure not a bit threatening but it made Ciel shudder in fear.

"Undertaker, you know Ciel?" Sebastian asked and his gaze changed between Ciel and the man. For a split second Ciel though he saw something fear like flash over Sebastian's face but it was gone before he could focus on that.

"Don't worry honey, I didn't say anything", Undertaker said. "Your secret lies with me."

"Undertaker!" Sebastian raised his voice and grabbed the man's collar. "Shut. Up."

"I said nothing", Undertaker sniggered and Sebastian grit his teeth.

"You already said too much."

Ciel looked at the two men and couldn't help feeling a bit curious. Sebastian had a secret he didn't want anyone to know? This he had to find out!

"Go inside", Undertaker ordered and pushed Ciel and Sebastian in the room before he followed them and shut the door.

"My my, you really should clean up more often", Sebastian said and covered his nose. "It stinks!"

"I'll clean when I have time", Undertaker said and took out the contract paper. Ciel's eyes widened in horror as Undertaker swung the paper in front of Sebastian's nose.

"This is for you", Undertaker said and gave Sebastian the contract. Sebastian read the paper and turned his red orbs to Ciel.

Ciel didn't fully understand the situation but didn't like where things were going. He felt shivers run down his spine when Sebastian's eyes examined up and down his body. Ciel blushed slightly when their eyes met and turned his head quickly away. The fear started to take control of his body as he thought how Sebastian would react when he found out his secret.

"Seriously?" Sebastian asked and looked at Undertaker with a disgusted face. The disgust made Ciel's stomach twist unpleasantly and he hugged his body tightly. It was just the reaction he had feared for.

"It's a present for you", Undertaker smiled, his long bangs shaking as he laughed to his sleeve.

"Present?" Sebastian asked with a deep voice. His gaze moved again to Ciel but the boy couldn't bear to look him in the eye. "He's a present?"

Undertaker nodded and laughed again.

"No", Sebastian said then and pushed the contract to Undertaker's chest. "I won't accept it."

"If you don't take him, I'll give him to one of my customers. I think I know someone who is missing a pet at the moment", Undertaker said and sounded like he seriously thought about giving Ciel to someone else. Sebastian seemed to have a battle of his own. His eyes moved from the contract to Ciel and back. He grabbed his hair and tugged it roughly when thought about his answer. Ciel felt his breath hitch to his throat when he waited for Sebastian to speak.

"Fine", Sebastian then said between gritted teeth and looked at Undertaker in defeat. "This is better be the last time you try to help me out."

"Have a nice week", Undertaker snickered, ignoring Sebastian's words completely. He waved for both of them before he disappeared from the door.

Silence fell between them. Ciel felt his beat loudly in his chest as the situation sank in. He was going to spend the whole week with Sebastian Michaelis. Of all people, it had to be the person he couldn't handle. He felt Sebastian stare at him but kept his head lowered. How could he handle the situation now? If it was just a random person, he could immediately forget him after the week, but Sebastian he saw almost every day. If the week were as bad as the usual ones, he wouldn't be able to get over it so quickly. That only meant more pain for him.

"Ciel", Sebastian said quietly and the boy flinched. "I'm sorry."

Ciel turned his eye to Sebastian and looked at him with a frown.

"Undertaker can be such a dick sometimes. I had no idea he was planning something like this", Sebastian sounded truly honest and Ciel didn't know if he should believe the man or not. "If I had known, I would have stopped him in time. I'm sorry."

Ciel stayed silent for a moment and focused on Sebastian's red orbs that looked at him apologetically. Could he really believe that the man was honestly sorry, that he didn't want this either? Ciel bit his lips and thought deeply to his next words.

"… I accept your apology. But so that you know, I'm not letting you sleep with me", Ciel' face burned from his words and he was glad the light was dim in the room. He heard Sebastian gasp before the usual smirk appeared to his face.

"I'll make you want to sleep with me", the man teased and ruffled Ciel's hair.

"I will never give you the pleasure", Ciel spat but didn't pull away from the warm hand. It was like a contract between them, that everything would be all right. Ciel found an odd warm sensation take over his body the more Sebastian touched him and slowly moved the hand away.

"This week is going to be interesting", Sebastian smirked and walked out the room. Ciel pressed his hand over the hot spot Sebastian had touched and felt his body shiver oddly. It was like his body had betrayed him and now longed for the touch again. Ciel gritted his teeth and followed the man out. If anything, this week was going to be a complete hell!

- To Be Continued -

**Thank you so much from the reviews, they really made me happy :) To notice that the first chapter raised some thoughts, it really is making me like super-happy! **

**Thank you very much for reading and see you next time!**


	3. Chapter 3

**NOTE: Rewritten 26.2.2014 There are some major changes.**

**Warning: hint of a rape, swearing**

Chapter 3: How do you separate love from hate?

_"Ciel", Alois said gently and rubbed a strand of hair behind Ciel's ear and kissed his cheek lovingly. "Your eyes are so beautiful, like the sky."_

_Ciel looked at the blue sky. His head rested on his lover's lap as the slender digits played with his navy-blue hair. A soft breeze tickled his cheek and Ciel closed his eyes, enjoying the moment._

_Ciel smiled and moved closer to the man. It was warm and comfortable. In this time and place, he didn't want to think of anything, just be and feel the loving feeling that would never break. Alois' light blue eyes were filled with lust and attraction, filled with emotions towards Ciel. It had only been two months since they started going out and it already felt like they would be together forever._

_"I want to make love to you", Alois whispered to Ciel's ear and made him blush slightly. "You look stunning."_

_"So do you", Ciel smiled and kissed the man lovingly. He wrapped his arms around Alois' neck and pulled him closer as Alois moved them to a better position. The kiss was slow; their tongues explored each other's mouth, Alois' hands gently moving up and down Ciel's body. Ciel moaned and moved his body closer to Alois, the urge to fell the man growing quickly._

_"Let's go", Alois said and kissed Ciel one last time before he lifted the boy gently from the grass._

_"Where to?" Ciel asked. He didn't want to stop yet._

_"Don't look so disappointed", Alois smiled and kissed Ciel again. "We'll just move to somewhere we can be in private."_

_Alois bit Ciel's earlobe and the boy shuddered. He leaned in closer to get more but the warmth was gone way too soon._

_"Be patient my love", Alois snickered, wrapped his hand around Ciel's shoulder and guided him to a better place._

_Quickly they reached a hotel and Alois paid for a room. They walked to the elevator, Ciel already impatient. He wanted to touch the man so badly. As soon as the doors closed, he threw himself to Alois' lap and started to fondle his member through the clothing. Alois hissed and did the same to Ciel. They panted, kissed each other, touching each other all over. It felt like eternity but the elevator finally stopped and they were able to go to the room. The door hadn't even closed properly when Alois pushed Ciel to the bed and stripped his shirt off._

_"Lie down", Alois' voice was deep from the lust and his eyes locked to Ciel's. The boy and Alois tied Ciel's hand to the headboard with his tie. Ciel threw him a questioning look but Alois brushed off with a kiss._

_"Tonight we'll do it slow", he whispered and bit Ciel's neck, sucking and nibbling it. Alois' white locks spread across Ciel's skin and the boy could smell the vanilla shampoo the man used. He took a deep breath and sighted in pleasure. Alois moved down his bare abdomen and stopped to a perked nipple to lick it gently. Ciel let out a loud moan and arched his back. The heat was growing inside him every second and he just wanted to feel the man._

_Ciel tugged the tie around his hands and found that the knot around his hands was secure. He groaned in frustration when he couldn't touch his lover but Alois only laughed sweetly in response. Alois kept nibbling Ciel's perked nipples and moved his hand to his legs, caressing him through the clothes. Ciel always wondered how Alois managed to find all the places that would make him shiver in pleasure. When Alois rose off the bed, the tingling sensation lingered behind. Ciel threw his lover a questioning look._

_"Where are you going?" _

_"Don't worry my love, I'll be right back", Alois smiled and disappeared out the room. Ciel was stunned, aroused and annoyed as he waited his boyfriend to come back. It had felt nice to be tied up at first but now that he wanted to move and touch himself, it only made him angry. And strangely aroused. Ciel didn't know how long he lied there, his pants incredibly tight, his hips bucking upwards, trying desperately to get some friction to his hot member. When he heard the front door open, he let out a relieved sigh._

_"Alois! That was mean of you-", Ciel's eyes widened in horror when the person entering the room wasn't his boyfriend but a strange man, his body muscular and his eyes dark with lust. Ciel tried to move his body, get away from the man as he walked closer to the struggling boy in slow movements, his eyes locked to Ciel's naked parts. When he reached the bedside, Ciel moved his body and tried to kick him._

_"Get off me you bastard!" Ciel yelled but the man only smirked. He said nothing when he grabbed Ciel's left foot and tied it to the frame. Ciel kept kicking with his other foot but the man either didn't notice or just didn't care. When the man calmly straddled Ciel's legs and pushed his crotch against Ciel's, the boy let out a terrified gasp. What was happening? Where was Alois?_

_The man started to nibble Ciel's nipples, doing the exactly same thing that Alois had done just a couple of minutes before, only this time Ciel didn't feel any pleasure. The man seemed to notice Ciel's lack of excitement and rose off the boy. Ciel let out a relived sight a she though it was over. It wasn't. _

_The man soon came back with a large bag. Ciel could see series of vibrators and clips in it and his eyes widened in horror as the man pulled something out. It was a bottle of liquid, Ciel didn't' want to know more and turned his head to the side. Immediately when his head was turned, he felt a sting in his arm and yelped in surprise. Ciel watched in horror at the needle that rested on the smirking man's hand and then looked at his arm where a small drop of blood lied. _

_Ciel couldn't think any further as a strange flush of pleasure spread over his body. He let out a gasp and bucked his hips to the air. What was this? The waves of pleasure got stronger every second and made his mind go hazy. He was scared. This wasn't like him. So why did he feel this way?_

_The man moved again on top of him and Ciel tried to kick him with his free leg, only to notice it wasn't moving according to his will anymore. The man leaned in and licked his nipple the same time he had done before, only this time Ciel let out a loud yelp when the pleasure increased. Flashes of white light appeared behind his eyes and Ciel could only scream and moan when the man continued to touch him. At this point Ciel didn't know anymore where he was, he didn't know who was with him, he couldn't even remember who he was. The only thing he could feel was the immense pleasure that increased inside him._

_Suddenly the touching stopped and Ciel found the power to open his eyes. It was hazy, he couldn't focus properly but he recognized the white hair just a few inches away from him. _

_"A-alois", Ciel whispered his voice already hoarse and he tried to move his head towards the man._

_"You disgusting scum", Alois said with a low voice. The reaction he got from his lover made heart ache in pain._

_"Alois, please, make it stop", Ciel said and a small tear fell from his eyes. _

_"You deserve this", Alois said and took a chair next to Ciel. He looked at Ciel with intense eyes and nodded. The man undid Ciel's pants and started to fondle his hard member. Ciel couldn't hold back the moans._

_"A-ah- Alois. P-pl-se" Ciel pleaded but the man just looked at him, not saying a word, his light blue eyes cold and loveless._

_"You are a whore", Alois said and the man suddenly entered Ciel, the boy screamed, not sure if it was the pain of pleasure. It was all too much. He didn't want to feel anything. His body betrayed him. His mind betrayed him. But what hurt the most was that he was betrayed by the only one he loved._

Ciel startled awake from his sleep. He blinked rapidly and tried to keep the tears at bay. His dream had been more like a memory, a memory he so desperately wanted to forget. It had been three years since the event but it still made his heart ache in pain. Ciel hugged his legs, pressed his head down, and focused to calm down. Unfortunately, he had no time to do that when heavy steps came running towards him.

"You damned cat!" Sebastian yelled. "You come right back here!"

Ciel rose his eyebrow when Sebastian ran to the room, chasing a black cat. The cat had something white hanging from its mouth and it ran like a wind. It made quick turns and tried to dodge Sebastian's hands that tried to grab it. Then it made a serious mistake and tried to sneak through Sebastian's legs, that was when the man grabbed the black creature to his firm grip.

"Now I got you", he cheered as he carried the black cat towards the open door where they had come from. When he glanced at Ciel's direction and saw that the boy was up, a huge smile appeared to his face.

"Good morning!" Sebastian smiled and walked to Ciel. "Did you sleep well? I hope we didn't wake you up."

"You did", Ciel said and turned his eyes away.

"Yeah, sorry about that. I blame it fully on Ace", Sebastian said.

"Ace?" Ciel asked and Sebastian lifted the cat that tried to bit his fingers.

"This guy here is a real pain in the ass", Sebastian said but it didn't sound like he really was angry at the cat. "Just now he destroyed one of my favorite books."

"I'm sure he had a good reason", Ciel laughed but stopped when Sebastian's face turned serious.

"A good reason indeed."

"Which was…?"

"Jealousy."

Ciel snorted and looked at the cat.

"Jealousy? A cat being jealous? You must be joking!"

"No, he was very jealous", Sebastian said.

"Yeah? Because?"

"Because of you", Sebastian turned his red eyes to Ciel whose mouth dropped open. Ciel glanced at the cat, a pair of yellow eyes stared at him as his ears were low against his head.

"W-why would it be jealous because of me?"

"He's thinking you'd take me away."

"Like that could ever happen", Ciel blushed and turned his eyes away. Sebastian smiled sweetly at him before he put the cat back to the floor. He let out an angry meow but didn't leave. Instead, he circled Sebastian's legs for a moment before he started to wash himself.

"So, you have a cat?" Ciel asked and looked around the neat apartment. Everything was clean; no scratching marks anywhere or any other clue that a cat was living there.

"I have three actually", Sebastian smiled. "Ace here is the one who makes all the ruckus. Queen and Jack are a lot calmer."

"How old are they?" Ciel asked.

"They have been with me for two years. I don't know their precise ages since I took them in from the streets. They were about a year old then", Sebastian said and patted the cat's head gently. "I could never give them away. They're my only joy since Claude died."

"Claude?" Ciel frowned. The name didn't sound familiar, and assuming by Sebastian's sudden sad expression, he wasn't going to hear much either.

"He's just someone I lived with", Sebastian said though Ciel could see that wasn't the whole truth. Sebastian changed to stare at a big black and white picture of London and dropped to his own thoughts. Ciel didn't know what to say. It seemed like he had opened an old wound, and he definitely knew how bad it felt. They sat in silence for a moment; Sebastian stared in front of him while Ciel examined his fingers.

"He died two and a half years ago", Sebastian said so quietly Ciel wasn't sure if he had heard right. "I miss him so much."

Sebastian stood up from the couch, walked to a shelf and took a picture of black haired male to his hands. He traced the man's outlines gently and Ciel didn't need to guess to understand just what kind of feeling flashed through his red eyes. Claude had been Sebastian's lover, Ciel was sure of it.

"You know what, I was seriously depressed after that", Sebastian said and turned to Ciel. The boy wasn't all that sure why Sebastian was telling him all this but decided to listen. "I drank almost every day, stayed up late and ignored my studies. I was seriously on the bottom."

Sebastian put the photo back down and walked to Ciel, the boy flinched when Sebastian placed his big hand to his shoulder. He looked deeply into Ciel's eye and caressed his cheek gently. Usually Ciel would have brushed the hand away immediately but something in the man's eyes made him still.

"Then, there was this one thing that made me try again. Made me care for myself again."

"W-what was it", Ciel swallowed hard and looked at Sebastian. The man smiled and continued to caress Ciel's cheek gently. Ciel could feel the warmness of the man's palm spread across his face and his heart began to thumb louder. It was a brand new feeling but Ciel didn't hate it. Though the man wasn't one he could trust, he still found his mind being filled with calmness. He felt safe, for the first time in years, truly safe.

Then Sebastian pulled away and the moment was broken. He brushed his hair and moved his eyes away from Ciel.

"A-anyway. What would you like to eat", Sebastian asked and walked to the kitchen. Ciel couldn't move for a moment. What had just happened? Sebastian had told him something personal and he was ready to let the man have his way with him? That had been close. Who knew, the story might have been fake too, just a way to lure him in. The man was much sneakier than Ciel had thought. If he wasn't careful, he might not be able to keep his distance with the man.

* * *

Ciel followed Sebastian through different kinds of expensive shops. Sebastian had demanded on buying something for Ciel as an apology of Undertaker's fraud and the boy had agreed after seeing his serious expression. Now, after two hours of running through different stores, he regretted his decision thoroughly. Quite soon, it had become clear that Sebastian had completely different way of spending money than him. At first, Sebastian wanted to buy Ciel a set of clothes, but after Ciel saw the price tag, he refused to wear them if Sebastian bought them. After thinking a moment, Sebastian offered to buy some jewel to Ciel, and since he already had earrings, they settled down for a ring.

They went to different kinds of jewelry shops and Ciel found many rings he liked but none of them seemed to please Sebastian. Ciel was already tired form all the running and was desperate to go back to the apartment, so Sebastian had promised that the shop they next entered would be the last.

"Welcome. May I help you with anything?" asked a blond-haired young woman as soon as they entered the shop. Ciel could already see that the jewelries on sale were much more expensive than the ones before.

"I'm looking for a ring", Sebastian said and Ciel noticed the seller's smile widen before he guided Sebastian to a large counter. The woman was young, about Ciel's age, and her green eyes sparkled when she looked at Sebastian. On the woman's chest read "Elisabeth"

"These are our most popular rings", Elizabeth smiled and took out a set of different kinds of golden rings. Sebastian looked at them for a while, and then shook his head.

"I want something bigger", he said and Elizabeth's smile widened.

"Right", she took another set of rings out and Sebastian examined them for a moment before he again shook his head.

"Bigger."

Ciel felt more uncomfortable every time he saw the price tags hitting higher and higher numbers. He could have never afford to anything so expensive and didn't feel comfortable for letting Sebastian buy one to him either.

"Sebastian", he whispered and tugged the man's sleeve. "Let's go."

"I want to buy the ring for you", Sebastian said and turned to Ciel, his eyes serious.

"You can buy it, but please, pick something cheaper", Ciel whispered and eyed the tags. "I could never pay you back something this expensive."

"You don't need to pay it back, it's a present", Sebastian smiled and turned back to Elizabeth who showed him another set of rings.

"But-"

"Don't look at the prize if it bothers you", Sebastian said, took a ring from Elizabeth and slid it in to Ciel's thumb.

"Wha-!" Ciel pulled his hand quickly away when Sebastian's warm hands touched his sensitive skin. "Seb-!" Ciel was about to scold the man but when he saw the ring, his breath hitched. The heavy object in his finger looked like it was made only for him. The blue rock was as deeply blue as his eye was and it sparkled nicely in the light. Ciel turned his hand from side to side and examined the rock. He couldn't believe something in this world could be so beautiful.

"We'll take it", Sebastian said and turned to Elizabeth. Ciel gasped and was about to look at the tag before Sebastian snatched it away, not letting Ciel see the price.

"I can't take it", Ciel said and started to pull the ring off but Sebastian's hand stopped him.

"It's not that expensive", Sebastian smiled. Ciel glared at him and wondered if he should accept and take the gift.

"Fine", Ciel said quietly after a moment of silence. "But I won't let you buy me anything else, ever."

Sebastian nodded though Ciel was sure that it wasn't a promise of any kind. Not that he minded though. Ciel knew that he would have never stepped to this kind of store on his own, and by that, he would have never fund this beautiful ring, which he already loved. Not that he would let Sebastian know. As they stepped out of the shop, Ciel still kept staring at the ring on his finger. A small, happy smile rose to his face for the first time in ages and he quickly hid it behind his palm.

"You like it that much?" Sebastian asked and lowered to Ciel's level, looking deeply in his eyes. "I have never seen you smile."

"I didn't smile", Ciel defended but couldn't wipe off the look on his face.

"You're cute when you smile", Sebastian said and brushed his thumb along Ciel's jaw line. "It makes me want to kiss you."

Ciel blushed heavily but didn't find the power to turn his head away. He knew he should have pushed the man away but somehow his body just wasn't moving. A knot in his stomach tightened as he stared at Sebastian's gentle eyes. Ciel felt the hot breath against his lips and smelled the minty smell of Sebastian. When the man slowly leaned in closer, Ciel's heart began to beat faster and louder, he was sure the man could hear it too. Ciel shut his eyes close and waited for the warm lips to touch his.

"You disgusting faggot!" A loud voice yelled from behind them and someone pushed Ciel roughly. He would have fallen to the ground if Sebastian's hands weren't around him. When they had gotten there, Ciel had no idea. "Get a room!"

Ciel felt Sebastian's grip tighten around his waist but the man didn't say anything, just started to guide Ciel away.

"Answer me when I'm talking to you", the man yelled, grabbed Ciel's hand and pulled him harder against his body. Ciel could smell the liquor in his breath and there was something moist on the man's shirt. The smell of sweat surrounded him and made the boy gag in disgust.

"Let go of me!" Ciel yelled and tried to push the man away but he was too strong.

The man stared at Ciel before a smirk rose to his lips.

"Wait, don't I know you?" The man ran his hands across Ciel's back. "I think I do."

"I believe you have the wrong person", Ciel spat back and tried to push the man harder.

"You are Alois' bitch right? The one who fucks everybody?" The man laughed and Ciel felt his insides turn cold. "I remember your moans; you're a real wild-cat in bed!"

Suddenly Sebastian was there and pulled Ciel away from the man. His eyes narrowed as he leaned closer to the man and whispered something Ciel couldn't hear to his ear. Whatever Sebastian said, was enough for the man to go pale and he took a few quick steps backwards before he started to run away, stumbling a bit on his unsteady feet.

"Are you okay?" Sebastian asked Ciel and touched his shoulder gently but Ciel quickly pulled away

"I'm fine", Ciel answered quietly and started to walk away from the man. He heard Sebastian sigh before his heavy steps followed him. He hadn't seen it coming. He had met one of his previous clients, when he was with Sebastian of all people. He was seriously going to hear about it once he got back to school, just something to add to the long list of why he should be burn to death. Ciel shivered when the cold feeling surrounded his insides again. It was coldness, that wouldn't go away, no matter how hard he tried to.

They walked in silence all the way to Sebastian's home and as soon as they got in, Ciel rushed to the couch and buried himself under the blankets. Sebastian walked to him and sat to the edge, making Ciel's body dip against him. Ciel enjoyed the heat for a slight moment before he pulled away.

"What's wrong?" Sebastian asked his voice calm and comforting. "Please, tell me."

"Nothing's wrong", Ciel answered and hid deeper under the blankets. "Just let me sleep."

"Ciel", Sebastian whispered and put his hand on Ciel's shoulder before the boy shook it away.

"Leave me alone", he yelled but Sebastian didn't even budge.

"Is it about the man we met?"

Ciel flinched and stayed quiet. He couldn't bear to look at Sebastian. For some reason, he felt more exposed than ever.

"You know, I don't really care about what he said", Sebastian said gently and tried to touch Ciel again but the boy pushed him away.

"Quit joking with me", Ciel spat, his voice dangerously low. "Like you don't see me as everybody else."

"What, Ciel?"

"Don't act like you don't speak badly about me behind my back too!" Ciel yelled. "To you I'm just a disgusting whore who bangs everything that moves!"

"I never said such a thing", Sebastian said calmly, the calmness only making Ciel angrier. Why did he need to be so calm! Right when Ciel himself wasn't! He felt like he only needed to vent out his frustration, let the horrible tightness in his chest get loose, and since Sebastian was the only person nearby…

"You don't need to say it, your actions speak from themselves", Ciel spat.

"Name one time when I have hurt you?" Sebastian said and Ciel swallowed before he continued.

"I don't have to say them, you know yourself!"

"Mind reminding me?" Sebastian smirked but it was brushed off by an angry glare of Ciel.

"Like you didn't know", the boy whispered.

"Seriously, I don't know", Sebastian sighted. "I can never make it up to you if you don't tell me what's wrong."

"… You're doing it again", Ciel said and Sebastian frowned. "Again with that gentle tone. Well guess what, I'm not fooled by it anymore."

"Ciel, you're not making any sense", Sebastian let out a small laugh, the biggest mistake he could have done.

"You are the worst of all!" Ciel yelled and looked at Sebastian with desperate eyes. "First you act kindly with me and the next minute you team up with Grell!"

"So this is what this is all about? Grell?" Sebastian asked and Ciel snorted. "It's about the kiss, right?"

"…"

"Ciel, seriously, it wasn't a planned action", Sebastian said and brushed his neck. "I had no idea he was there."

"Looked planned enough for me", Ciel whispered and turned his head away but Sebastian turned it gently to him again.

"Ciel, listen. There's nothing between Grell and me. I'm not teaming up with him, he's just a good friend", Sebastian explained but Ciel couldn't believe him.

"Like you would kiss your friend."

Sebastian fell silent for a moment, the realization sinking in. Ciel tried to hide the blush that seeped in to his face.

"… You were bothered by it", Sebastian said slowly and Ciel crossed his arms.

"Who wouldn't I? It's disgusting", Ciel said.

"Something tells me that isn't all there is", Sebastian leaned in closer and Ciel tried to back away. "Why were you so bothered?"

"Like I knew!" Ciel yelled and Sebastian smirked. "Just leave it be."

"Ciel-"

"LEAVE IT!" Ciel pushed Sebastian heavily to the chest and the man nearly dropped from the couch.

"Ciel-"

"Just shut up!"

"Ciel, seriously-", Sebastian tried to touch Ciel but the boy slapped him harshly away.

"Why the fuck can't you just FUCKING SHUT UP!"

"Blood."

"What?"

"There's blood coming under your eye-patch."

Ciel's eye widened in horror and he whipped his slightly wet cheek. He looked at the bloodied hand and felt his body shiver strongly. This couldn't be happening, not now. The pain shot through his eye and he doubled over, suppressing a scream that threatened to come out.

"Ciel? What's wrong?" Ciel heard Sebastian call to him but the reality was blocked away when flashes of his past appeared in front of his eyes. He saw blood. Lots and lots of blood that kept bubbling from him…

"Ciel!" Sebastian shook the boy roughly but it didn't help the boy to get back to reality. His eye swung back and forth, as he tried to see what was in front of him.

"I'm fine", Ciel whispered quietly and pressed against his eye hard. "I'm fine… I'm fine…"

"Ciel, let me take you to the bathroom", Sebastian said and Ciel didn't fight back when Sebastian guided him. The pain was increasing and Ciel knew it would become overwhelming soon. Damn, he hadn't even taken his medicine with him. The last episode was so long time ago he thought they were already over.

Sebastian helped Ciel sit on the toilet lid and rushed to wet some towels to wipe off the blood. All this action went unnoticed by Ciel as the voices inside his head loudened. Someone screamed, something shattered. It was cold, so cold he couldn't take it. It hurt so much.

"I'm fine", Ciel whispered his mantra and tried to fight against it. "It's all in the past, I'm fine. This isn't really happening."

_"You should just die!" _

Ciel covered his eyes when the yelling inside his head increased. He saw flashes of red, someone laughed before the stabbing pain came to his eye. Tears started to leak down his face and there was no way to keep them from dropping. He let out a cry and curled up as small as he could, hugging his legs as the pain got worse.

"Shut up", Ciel whispered and rocked his body back and forth.

_"You deserve to die!"_

"Shut up."

_"DIE!"_

"SHUT UP!" Ciel screamed and grabbed his hair. "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

"CIEL!" Rough hands shook him and Ciel's eye popped open. "Clam down."

His vision was blurry as the crying increased. He felt Sebastian press a wet, warm towel over his covered eye and sobbed. Secure hands wrapped around his body and soothed him up and Ciel found his own hands crawl up to grip the fabric on Sebastian's back. His whole body shook as he cried against the man's shoulder; Sebastian didn't ask anything, just held Ciel in his arms.

Ciel let the warmness of the man's body take over him and slightly started to relax to his touch. He heard Sebastian hum some unfamiliar song and focused to that. Little by little, the flashbacks started to fade and the yelling voice disappeared. It wasn't until the pain subdued that he let go of Sebastian and wiped his eye.

"What happened?" Sebastian asked and looked deeply on Ciel's eye, wiping a small tear away.

"M-memory", Ciel answered his voice a bit hoarse and groggy. "N-noth-hing f-for you to w-worry about."

"About your eye?" Sebastian asked and Ciel nodded. The man looked at Ciel wit apologetic face before he asked quietly: "Did I cause it?"

"K-kind of", Ciel bit his lip as Sebastian closed his eyes.

"I'm so, so sorry!" The man shouted and hugged Ciel tightly. "I didn't mean to hurt you, I could never hurt you! Tell me, what I did!"

"It's kind of hard to explain", Ciel said and moved the towel off his covered eye. It was died in red and the look of it made Ciel's stomach twist.

"Tell me, I don't want this to happen again", Sebastian said and Ciel sighted. Guess there was no other choice.

"We argued."

"And?"

"You see… Sometimes when I argue, my eye starts to bleed. The doctors told me that it has something to do with by blood pressure so if I'm stressed out and argue or fight, it starts to bleed", Ciel explained.

"I'm glad you told me", Sebastian smiled and stood up from the floor. Sebastian opened his mouth before he closed it again, frowning deeply, he took a deep breath and tried again. "Do you need help with anything?"

"No, I'm fine", Ciel said and Sebastian turned to leave when Ciel grabbed his arm.

"What?"

Ciel's eye widened when he realized what he had done. He quickly let go of Sebastian and felt himself blush heavily.

"You want me to stay?" Sebastian asked and Ciel nodded a little.

"B-but don't look", Ciel said and Sebastian nodded. Ciel walked to the mirror, his legs shaking slightly as he took support of Sebastian's strong body. He double-checked that Sebastian had his eyes closed before he took his hand on his own, shaking as he squeezed tightly. He felt Sebastian respond to his squeeze and felt the nervousness ease a little. It was never easy to take the blindfold off. If he could, he would keep it on forever.

With shaking hands, he undid the patch and quickly covered his eye to the wet towel. He pressed it for a long time, never leaving his hand from Sebastian's as he cleaned the skin the best he could. He washed the eye-patch without looking at his reflection before he pressed it back on his eye. He tied the patch in place and turned to Sebastian, the man's eyes still firmly closed.

Ciel took his time exploring Sebastian's face. He had never noticed, but Sebastian had very long eyelashes. His nose was straight and his lips were plump and a bit red. His black hair framed his pale face perfectly and created a contrast between the black and white. If he was a girl, Ciel could have easily fallen for the man.

"See something you like?" Sebastian asked and opened his blue eyes, smirk rising to his lips. Ciel blushed heavily and turned away from the man. The man sniggered and walked past the boy.

"Nothing in particular", Ciel answered and the man laughed out again before he stepped out the room. Ciel watched behind the man and couldn't help noticing how normal things felt, right after his serious attack. Never in his life had he been this calm right after his attack and it surprised it him. Ciel wasn't sure if it was the man or the fact that he wasn't home, but he felt calm.

"Wah!" Ciel yelped in surprise when Sebastian's strong hands suddenly wrapped around his body and lifted him to the man's wide lap. "What the hell are you doing? Put me down!"

"You'll sleep with me tonight", Sebastian explained and carried Ciel to his bedroom.

"I said I was not going to sleep with you!" Ciel yelled and banged Sebastian's wide shoulders before the man dropped him to the soft mattress.

"It's just sleep, nothing more", Sebastian said and walked to the other side of the bed, giving Ciel an opportunity to rush out the bed.

"You think I trust you won't do anything to me?" Ciel asked when Sebastian undressed his shirt before putting his nightclothes on. He moved quickly but Ciel still managed to take a good look of his muscular back and his white, smooth skin. He swallowed and turned his head away when Sebastian moved to take off his pants. He didn't look at the man before he heard the bed sheets rustling and Sebastian sigh when his head hit the pillow.

"I don't expect you to trust me yet. This is simply a way to earn it", Sebastian said and turned his head towards Ciel. "I don't want you to sleep on the couch anymore. I bet it wasn't so comfortable."

"It was comfortable enough", Ciel said and backed against the door. "If anything, this will be uncomfortable."

"Why won't you give it a try?" Sebastian asked and turned his back towards Ciel. The boy frowned and waited for a while. Sebastian's breathing slowly grew heavier and he didn't say anything when Ciel tested the mattress with his hand. Slowly Ciel lied himself to the mattress and went as near the edge as he could go, just so that he wouldn't even accidentally touch Sebastian. Or Sebastian touch him.

Little by little, drowsiness took control of Ciel's mind and he relaxed against the soft mattress. Sebastian had been right, it was much more comfortable that the couch. The feeling was pleasant, something Ciel usually never got. Ciel knew he should have felt awkward. He practically had just let a stranger know one of his deepest secrets. Not to mention the stranger was someone he should never trust, and now he slept in the same bed as him. The action would surely backfire someday but right now Ciel felt like it was unimportant. Right now, he was willing to believe in Sebastian, even if it was just a little.

-To Be Continued-

**Thank you so much for the reviews! They always make me happy ;) I appreciate every one of them!**

**Thank you for reading, see you next time!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello! Sorry this chapter came in late. I had a competition I had forgot all about and it took all my time. The next chapter will be on time, next Sunday. After that, I'm not sure if I'm able to update this story so often, the material for my exams is coming after two weeks and I just know I'll be too stressed out to focus on this. Actually, I'm already stressed out, a lot. So don't kill me if there's a six-week gap before my next post (chapter 6). Just that so you know, I'm not abandoning this fic, ever :)**

**NOTE: The first three chapters were re-written, so if you haven't read them already, please do so.**

Chapter Four: How Do You Define Happiness?

Ciel moaned when a warm hand caressed his cheek gently. He leaned a bit against the warmth and tried to open his eye. The bright light made it sting and he hid himself under the soft blankets. The hand landed to ruffle his hair and he heard Sebastian chuckle.

"Rise and shine, sleeping beauty", Sebastian said and Ciel bolted up, his drowsiness disappearing immediately. "Did you sleep well?"

Ciel looked at the smirking man next to him and frowned. It was bright, so it was way beyond Ciel's usual waking time. The night had been pleasurable, but to imagine he slept so peacefully in an unfamiliar bed made no sense to him. He didn't sleep that well even in his own bed.

"What time is it?"

"Almost noon. I would have let you sleep longer but we have stuff to do", Sebastian said and winked his eye.

"Stuff like what?"

"That's a secret", Sebastian put his finger against his lips, smiling widely.

"Tell me", Ciel demanded but the man just shook his head and walked away. "Sebastian!" Ciel tried in vain to yell after the man even after the door shut close. Ciel rubbed his temples and let out a low growl. He hated secrets, really, really hated secrets. They were no good. Ciel had never understood people who loved surprise parties. What was the point on scaring the shit out of people only to party for a couple of hours? Did anyone ever think about the consequences? How the person would be afraid to open every door for the rest of his life. How was that a good thing?

Ciel slowly dragged himself out the bed and changed his clothes. Sebastian had picked some clothes to him, a clear blue shirt along with a white undershirt and black jeans, but Ciel ignored the clothes. They looked new and surely wasn't his. He had told Sebastian not to buy anything for him anymore, but the man just didn't listen.

He dressed to his own dull clothes and put the ring to his thumb. The blue rock welcomed him as the sun light hit it. Ciel had to admit, the ring was truly beautiful. It had been with him only for a day, but Ciel knew he didn't want to ever let it go. It was part of him now. One thing was unclear for Ciel though. Why was Sebastian so nice to him? It made no sense. Sebastian bought all kinds of things to him but didn't seem to want anything in return. Or was he just waiting for the right moment to fulfill his plan.

Ciel stopped for a second. It didn't sound right; Sebastian didn't act like he was hiding something. The previous night too, Sebastian had promised he wouldn't do anything, and he didn't. He acted just like he had said, fought to get Ciel's trust. Another part Ciel didn't understand. Why was it so important to make Ciel trust him? Only to eventually break his heart?

"Ah, stop it", Ciel groaned and rubbed his temples. He had to stop thinking so negatively. Not every men in the world were bad. He just had difficult times finding them.

Ciel walked to the kitchen and what greeted him was a full course meal set in the table. His mouth dropped open when he saw the fresh salad, steaming meat along potato mousse and freshly baked chocolate cake.

"I didn't know what you like so I hope meat is okay", Sebastian said as he set the table. "I would have cooked something more special but I hope this'll do."

Water rose to Ciel's tongue as he smelled the food and he could only nod. He sat down and Sebastian set a plate filled with food in front of him. Just by looking, Ciel could tell that the food would definitely be delicious. He noticed Sebastian look at him warily and took the first bite. The meat was like heaven, the texture soft enough he didn't even have to bite it. The potato mousse was creamy and tasted a bit like butter, yet was still very light. Ciel knew for certain this was the best dish he had ever had.

Ciel noticed Sebastian smile gently but focused on eating, never getting tired of the taste. Way too soon for his opinion, his plate was empty and he looked at the remaining piece of meat with a watering mouth.

"Feel tree to take more, I'm sure there's enough", Sebastian said and Ciel didn't need another word when he snatched the piece of meat. "I see you are enjoying it."

"It's the best I have ever eaten", Ciel said, his mouth filled with food.

"I'm glad it suits your taste. What do you usually make for yourself?"

"Just something simple", Ciel said and took another bite. "Like pasta carbonara* or lasagna."

"I would love to taste some of your cooking", Sebastian said.

"I doubt you would. I'm not such a great cook anyway", Ciel said and smiled sadly. He had heard that enough times already, he didn't need Sebastian's opinion on top of that.

"Will you at least make me breakfast someday? Pretty please!" Sebastian looked like he was serious about his words and Ciel shrugged his shoulders.

"If you're not afraid of getting poisoned, sure, why not."

"That would definitely make me happy", Sebastian smiled and Ciel snorted.

"Like you're not happy always anyway."

"That's not quite true", Sebastian said and his smile dropped a little. "Actually, I learned to be happy just a little while ago."

"What do you mean?" Ciel asked, though he wondered if he truly wanted to hear the answer.

"You see, I lived in America for two years", Sebastian said and Ciel nodded. He hadn't known that. It wasn't so weird though, he barely knew anything about Sebastian. Not that he ever tried to get to know to him.

"What did you do there?"

"I took photographs. Mostly for some magazines, but a few self-portraits too", he turned around and pointed at a large black and white picture of London on top of a piano. "I took that too, the day I came back here."

"I like that picture", Ciel said and didn't lie one word, whilst he hadn't meant to say it so freely. Sebastian didn't seem to mind as he just laughed and nodded.

"Yeah, me too. It reminds me of how much I truly love this city", Sebastian said and turned back to Ciel. "Anyway, one day at work, I was asked to take a picture of this old couple. The woman had a week left to live, he had some sort of cancer if I remember correctly, and the man had Alzheimer's. They had been together for 72 years."

"Did the man even remember his wife?"

"Sadly, no. I would have thought that after 72 years you would remember someone, but no. Makes you think about how fragile people really are."

"I don't actually see how this has taught you to be happy", Ciel frowned and Sebastian laughed.

"Be patient. So, I was asked to take the picture of them. Due to circumstances, the picture had to be taken in the hospital. Can you imagine how difficult it is to take a picture in a hospital? It's so colorless, and when you add sheet pale people to it, it's a nightmare", Sebastian huffed and then smiled softly. "I had prepared myself to a difficult session, but when I got there, there were flowers everywhere. Someone had placed all kinds of colors next to the bed. It was stunningly beautiful. But what was even more beautiful was the couple."

"The smell of disinfect and death lingered in the air but it didn't seem to bother them. It was like they only saw each other. They looked so happy. The man too, it looked like he fell in love every time he looked at his wife. That's what I call true love. It was something I had never seen before, and possibly will never see again", a sad smiled appeared to Sebastian's face and he looked at his plate with moist eyes. "The woman died the next day, the man a few days later. They didn't even get to see their picture. I really wish would have been able to thank them. They really opened my eyes, made me realize just how precious life truly is."

"… That's… I don't actually know what to say…" Ciel said and poked the food on his plate. "It's hard for me to think that something so sweet can actually exist. I wish my boyfriend showed me attraction like that."

"He doesn't?" Sebastian said, his eyebrow rose and Ciel was too focused on his plate to notice a dark expression flash through Sebastian's face. "I would show you my love every day."

"What!" Ciel blushed and Sebastian coughed.

"I mean if I were your boyfriend, I would", for the first time Ciel noticed Sebastian starting to lose his composure. The man blushed slightly and averted his eyes before he rose off the table. "That came out sounding weird. I wasn't planning on hitting on you or anything."

Ciel was speechless, and fighting to keep the giggles inside when Sebastian bumped to the table and knocked over a glass of water. He cursed and tried to clean it but only managed to knock over another glass as well. It was refreshing to see the mister Perfect act out of character for once. This was too special moment to miss.

"I'm sure it would be wonderful to be your boyfriend", Ciel winked his eye and Sebastian blushed up to his ears.

"Really?" His voice was high pitched and he moved so fast towards Ciel he knocked over the chair and broke the plate he had been holding. At that moment Ciel couldn't keep the laughter in anymore and let out the loudest laugh of his life. This was a payback, and Ciel surely enjoyed it.

"Ha ha, very funny", Sebastian said dryly and turned to clean the mess. He hid the disappointment from his face and focused on the shattered plate. He should have guessed it was just a joke. "I hope we are eve now."

"We sure are", Ciel laughed and whipped his eye. "You need any help with that?"

"Sure, you can bring the trash can", Sebastian said and Ciel did as he was told, still snickering to himself. It all suddenly felt so much more comfortable. To see that Sebastian didn't explode when Ciel tricked him, made Ciel somewhat trust the man. At least he now knew that Sebastian wasn't short tempered.

"Well then, are you ready to go?" Sebastian asked after the mess had been cleaned up.

"Where are we going again?" Ciel asked but Sebastian just smirked.

"You'll see when we get there."

* * *

"There's no way in Hell that I'm doing this!" Ciel complained as he looked at a large roller coast in front of him. The device was large and almost reached the sky! Or so it seemed to Ciel at least. He had assumed that they would be shopping again or went to a movie or something, but amusement park never crossed his mind. Truth to be told, he had never been in one, and it made him feel very nervous.

"Come on, Ciel. It'll be fun!" Sebastian smiled and pushed Ciel to the line.

"Seriously Sebastian, I don't think I-"

"Just give it a try, will you", Sebastian said. Ciel pouted and tried to sneak away but Sebastian grabbed his hand to keep him in place. Ciel blushed deeply and tried to pull his hand away from Sebastian's but the man's grip was too good.

"S-sebastian! Let go!" Ciel hissed between his teeth and looked around him. "Everybody is watching!"

"Let them watch", Sebastian smiled and swung Ciel closer to his body so that he could wrap his hand around the boy's shoulders. "This day is just for you, don't let others ruin it."

"But... I..." Ciel couldn't find the words. Deep down he knew Sebastian was right; it was stupid to be bothered about other people's opinions. Ciel glanced quickly around him and noticed that no one was even staring at them. He let out a small laugh and focused on the roller coaster, listening to the screaming and rumbling as the wagons came down from the heights.

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad after all. These people seemed to enjoy their time, so why wouldn't he. Ciel took a deep breathe and focused on calming himself down. It would be fun, he just had to give it a change. He thought he had collected courage while they stood on the line but now that he sat on the bright red wagon, he started to feel the butterflies in his stomach again.

"Are you sure this is safe? What if I fall?" Ciel whispered.

"You won't fall, the rail will hold you on place", Sebastian smiled.

"What if this wagon gets loose and crashes to the ground? Wouldn't it kill us?" Ciel asked and moved on his place to see the wagon rock back and forth. "I can't do this..."

"Yes you can. Just hold still and enjoy", Sebastian smiled. Ciel had no time to protest when they started to move. Ciel startled and grabbed Sebastian's arm unconsciously. His grip tightened as they rose higher and higher until it was on top where the view was enough to take your breath away. Or would have, if Ciel didn't focus on the huge fall in front of him.

"Just relax", Sebastian said and assuredly squeezed Ciel's hand. The boy's eye was huge from fear and he shivered slightly. When the fall finally came, he screamed his lounges out. Ciel heard Sebastian laugh beside him in every turn while he kept his eye shut and fought not to throw up. The feeling in his stomach was strange, like when he was nervous, and he didn't like it.

The ride seemed to last forever but it finally came to stop. Sebastian smoothly rose up but Ciel stayed in place, his whole body shivering.

"Ciel?" Sebastian asked but the boy shook his head, eye wide.

"... again"

"What?" Sebastian asked and leaned closer to hear the boy's quiet words.

"I want to go again", Ciel turned his huge eye to Sebastian, his expression something between excitement and fear. Somehow the ride hadn't been as bad as he had thought, and maybe it would be more pleasurable the next time he went in.

"We can go as many times as you want", Sebastian smirked and helped the boy up. "We have the whole day."

The went to the roller coaster three more times, Ciel enjoying the ride more and more each second so that Sebastian had to eventually pull the boy away so that they could try another devices. Ciel grew to like the spinning and falling feelings more and more and urged to try all the equipment's. His eye sparkled in excitement and his cheeks were slightly red from all the running. Ciel was so excited, he didn't even realize that he held Sebastian's hand the whole time, pulling the man everywhere he wanted to go.

At the Game-Road, they tried different types of games. Ciel didn't manage to get even one price whilst Sebastian's aim was near perfect. He would have won in every game but declined the prices. Only when he found a cute little teddy bear with an eye-patch, he took it and gave it to Ciel.

"It looks like you", Sebastian smirked. He continued with high-pitched tone: "Hello, my name is Teddy Phantomhive and I'm having the best day of my life."

Ciel could only laugh at Sebastian's poor attempt to sound like him. It was a laughter that came straight from the heart and made Sebastian blush a little. The boy was stunning, his deep blue eye sparkled and he curled up, gripping his stomach as he laughed so hard. It was good to see Ciel opening up and laugh with him.

"God you're so stupid", Ciel laughed and grabbed the teddy bear from Sebastian. He brushed the soft fur gently and squeezed the small hands. Black eyes stared at him and the smile on the toy made him smile too. "It is cute though."

"Just like you", Sebastian smiled and brushed Ciel's cheek gently. The twitch in the boy's stomach was nothing even near the twists he experienced on the equipment's. His cheeks came beef read and he quickly turned his head away.

"Quit with the sweet talk..." Ciel started to walk away, Sebastian following just a couple of steps behind, a huge smirk spread across his face.

The whole day went by in a flash. Ciel had so much fun running through the equipment's that he would have forgotten to eat if Sebastian didn't pull him to a nearby restaurant. Ciel took it as his policy to try everything out, and that he did. They continued their journey through the park and they had only one place left: the Ferris wheel.

Ciel looked out the clear window as they rose higher and higher. It was already dark so the lights of the city sparkled like the stars on the sky. He looked so closely at the view that his nose was pressed against the glass. Sebastian sat calmly on the wooden bench and looked at the small boy.

"Are you having fun?" Sebastian asked and Ciel nodded. He pressed Teddy Phantom closer to his chest and smiled widely.

"The best time of my life." He didn't even lie.

"This was seriously your first time?" Sebastian asked and Ciel's eye saddened for a second before he turned his face to Sebastian.

"Yeah", the boy sighed and patted Teddy's head. "At least if I remember correctly."

"What do you mean?" Sebastian asked and the boy flinched. He turned his eye to the night sky and fell to his thoughts.

"I don't really want to talk about it..."

The continued in silence, the view changing as they climbed higher. Ciel calmly leaned against the class, his eyes following the little lights on the ground. Then suddenly the Ferris wheel stopped moving and Ciel almost fell to Sebastian's lap. Luckily, he managed to balance himself by pressing his hands on Sebastian's shoulders.

"Wow, careful there. I think you should sit down", Sebastian smirked but Ciel shook his head.

"I can see better this way", he leaned against the glass again and examined the view. The Ferris wheel moved again for a second and then stopped. Little by little it started to take them down and Ciel sat down when he couldn't see as far anymore. He squeezed Teddy's ears and looked at the ring on his finger, frowning deeply. It had bothered him the whole day and it finally came to the point, he couldn't keep it inside anymore.

"Why are you doing this to me?" Ciel whispered. He looked at the man in front of him who wore a surprised expression.

"I don't think I follow", Sebastian said.

"I mean, look at this", Ciel pulled his hand straight and pointed all around them. "And this", he shook the teddy bear in his lap. "And _this_", Ciel pointed at the ring on his finger. "Not to mention all the things you have done for me."

"Is there something wrong with them?" Sebastian asked.

"No! That's not the point! I mean..." Ciel swallowed and looked out the window. "I just don't understand."

"Understand what?"

"Why you're being so nice to me?" Ciel quickly glanced at Sebastian but couldn't bear to look at the man any longer. He feared he might see the same hatred in his eyes that he saw in Alois' whenever he questioned anything. Sebastian stayed quiet for a moment and Ciel felt the tension growing. Finally Sebastian spoke.

"Is there something wrong to treat you nicely?" Sebastian asked and Ciel puffed.

"Quit with the questions. I want answers."

"I'm just merely trying to understand you", Sebastian said.

"That's yet one of the things I don't understand. Why? Why do you want to understand me? It's just a week; you could do practically anything to me without me being able to decline!"

"Are you doing this unwillingly?"

"No, it's not that. It's just that you could, and I don't understand why you don't", Ciel scratched the back of his head and fondled the teddy's ear.

"You want me to treat you differently? To force you to do something you don't like?"

"No! Gosh, this is so hard to explain!" Ciel rubbed his eye. "I... It's just that... Gosh... Umm... Y-you said that you would make me want to sleep with you, right. So why haven't you yet?"

Sebastian sighed and looked closely at Ciel.

"I said that, and I still mean that", Sebastian said quietly. "I just think it would be meaningless if you did it against your will."

"Why do you care so much for me", Ciel said, his desperate eye trying to find the answer from Sebastian's.

Sebastian stayed quiet for a long time. Ciel felt his own heart beating louder every second when he waited for the reply. Would it be a trick again? Somehow he doubted that but there was just nothing else that made sense. He knew that Sebastian would tell him the truth but it would still break his heart if the man admitted the joke. Definitely break his heart.

"I have feelings for you", Sebastian then said, a small blush appeared to his face and he swallowed a bit. Ciel's mouth drooped open and eye widened as he tried to understand what the man just said.

"F-feelings? As... As in...?"

"As in special feelings. I know you have a boyfriend, I know my feelings mean nothing to you, but to me, you're everything", Sebastian looked at Ciel and leaned a bit closer. "For me it is enough to just see you every day. I took even same curses with you so just that I can see you at least once a day. I have already passed them, but it doesn't matter. All I see is you."

"Isn't that more like stalking?" Ciel asked but he didn't sound one bit angry. If anything, he was dumbfounded. Sebastian Michaelis had a crush on him. It even sounded like a serious crush. Ciel felt his face burning and his stomach packed with butterflies. He still kept his eyes at Sebastian who calmly stared back and waited for Ciel's reply to his confession. When he didn't get one, he continued to talk.

"Why I'm being so nice to you now, is because I know this week will be the only time I have with you alone. I have actually dreamed this to happen for two years now, and though our beginning wasn't the best way to start, the outcome is still the same. Undertaker knows my feelings so he must have planned this in advance. I have to admit, at first I was against it, but now I hope this time will never end."

"... Wow... I didn't know you think so highly of me", Ciel said slowly. An odd pressure appeared to his chest when he saw Sebastian's sad smile. It was somewhat heartbreaking to know that the man had to give up before he even got the change to try. "I'm sorry, I-"

"You have nothing to apologize for", Sebastian cut Ciel's words quickly. "They're my feelings, there's nothing you can do to change them. I'm just happy to be here, right now, with you."

Ciel blushed slightly and gave Sebastian a shy smile. Their eyes locked and Ciel could see the feelings flashing through Sebastian's red orbs. The man hadn't been lying, Ciel could tell. Sebastian's black hair sparkled from the lights and created a thin halo around Sebastian's head. Vaguely Ciel noticed that Sebastian had leaned closer to him. Or maybe it was Ciel who had started to move, he really couldn't remember.

Not that it mattered anyway. The only thing that he focused on, were Sebastian's hands that touched his skin gently. One hand rested on the boy's knee and the other caressed his cheek gently. Ciel could smell Sebastian's strong scent all around him and he closed his eyes. A small breeze tickled his lips when Sebastian breathed out and made Ciel chuckle gently. Ciel could sense that Sebastian was smirking too, when they leaned even closer. Sebastian slowly placed his lips over Ciel's and the boy immediately felt a spark of electricity go down his spine.

Suddenly the door opened and they bolted away from each other. Ciel breathed heavily, his cheeks slightly flushed when he looked at the opened door. A dark haired man stood outside and waved them to climb off the wagon. Ciel stood to his slightly shaky legs and stormed off before Sebastian was even properly out. He could still feel Sebastian's soft and warm lips against his. They had been slightly wet, maybe Sebastian had licked them a bit before they kissed. Ciel traced his fingers along his sensitive lips and sighted. It had felt awesome. Just a light touch and it all screamed that it was right. Like they were meant to be.

Ciel felt a sting of guilt in his heart when he thought about Alois. He felt like he had cheated in his boyfriend. It was true that Alois didn't care who he slept with, but Ciel never had any positive feelings towards the men. Sebastian on the other hand... He just couldn't bear to hate him, especially not after hearing his confession.

"Are you ready to go?" Sebastian startled Ciel form his thoughts and the boy blushed deeply, making sure the man couldn't see his face. It somehow felt awkward. Like the kind of awkward when you have sex the first time and don't know what kind of face to make afterwards. Ciel just nodded and leaded them out the amusement park. There was still five days to spend with Sebastian, and Ciel wasn't sure if he could deny the man any longer.

- To Be Continued –

***I'm not sure how you spell that in English. That's the Italian version, so if you know any better, please feel free to tell me : ) The same goes with the words of the amusement park. I used google translate to get the right words but as anyone can tell, that's not a very reliable source. **

**Thank you for reading, see you next week!**


	5. Chapter 5

_Chapter 5: Everything Isn't What It Seems_

Sebastian sat next to the bed and looked worriedly at Ciel's flushed face. It had been three days already since they got back from the amusement park. Three days, since Ciel caught a huge fever and was driven to bed. His fever was high and it came to Sebastian as a huge surprise that Ciel actually hallucinated when his fever was above 37.8 degrees.

"A-alois", Ciel whimpered and tossed on the bed. "No more… It hurts, stop… No more…"

"It's alright, I'm here", Sebastian whispered to Ciel's ear and moved a strand of hair from his sweaty forehead. Ciel stopped talking but the frown stayed on his red face. Usually Ciel's hallucinations were funny. He spoke about dancing with the Queen or going to a movie with a monkey, but hallucinations like this really made Sebastian worry. Whenever Ciel called out Alois' name, it seemed more severe. Like they weren't just some made up situations but real memories.

"Did I die?" The boy whispered, opening his eye slightly and looking hopefully at Sebastian. The man slowly shook his head. "Pity. I hoped it would be finally over." With that, the boy fell asleep again.

Sebastian tried to swallow the huge limp that appeared to his throat. It wasn't the first time Ciel asked if he had died. Still, it made his heart ache in pain. He had tried to imagine the situation that made such a lovely boy want to die but couldn't figure it out. Whatever it was, it must have been something very bad to make Ciel suffer so much.

The boy moaned in his sleep and turned to grab Sebastian's hand. Sebastian smiled gently and grabbed the hand tighter. He lifted the hand a bit in order to put Ciel to a more comfortable position when his eyes hit something on Ciel's wrist. Two straight scars running through the veins. So it wasn't just the fever talking: Ciel really wanted to end his life. Sebastian's eyes widened in shock. How hadn't he noticed that? It was his hobby to know everything about Ciel. Why didn't he notice something that was right in front of his eyes? Sebastian lifted the other wrist too and let out a relieved sight when there were no marks.

"N-no, please don't", Ciel moaned, his voice pained and scared. "I can't take it anymore."

"It's okay Ciel, I'm right here", Sebastian said and placed his hand gently to the boy's side. The response was immediate. Ciel screamed out and curled to a small ball, whimpering, a small tear leaking from his eye.

"N-no, don't!" Ciel cried and hugged himself tight.

"Ciel?" Sebastian laid his hand again to the side and received the same reaction. A flush of cold went through his body as everything became clear. Now he understood why Ciel had these nightmares. Now he understood why Ciel caught the fever. It was a terrible vision and he had to make sure whether it was right or not.

"Ciel, I'm going to lift your shirt, okay", Sebastian said sweetly and brushed a strand of hair from Ciel's face. He knew the boy couldn't hear him but kept saying assuring words just in case. Or maybe he tried to calm himself down, he wasn't too sure.

"I'm not going to hurt you okay, just look", Sebastian said and pulled the blanket down. "I promise I'll stop right away when you tell me to."

Sebastian swallowed and lifted Ciel's white nightgown slowly. He gasped harshly when he saw the deeply bruised and swollen side. Ciel whimpered but didn't say anything so Sebastian very gently traced his fingers along the hot skin. The skin was almost burning hot and Sebastian could only imagine how much it hurt the boy. He felt a sting of guilt when he thought about the past days they shared. Ciel hadn't complained, not once, and Sebastian had pulled him along all kinds of places. The amusement park must have been the last strand and made Ciel's body finally give up.

"I'm so sorry", Sebastian whispered. "I'm so, so sorry."

"Wasn't your fault", Ciel said and startled the man.

"You're awake?" Sebastian asked.

"Yeah. I woke up when you pulled down the covers", Ciel admitted and tried to move, gritting his teeth in pain. Sebastian offered to help Ciel sit and the boy took the help gladly.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Sebastian asked.

"What difference would it have made? It's not like you could take the pain away or anything", Ciel said and sighted. "Besides, it doesn't hurt that badly."

"Doesn't hurt that badly?" Sebastian asked and stood up, his hands fisted angrily. "Doesn't hurt that badly? I COULD HAVE KILLED YOU!"

The worry and pain came out all at once and made Sebastian collapse to the floor, hiding his face to his hands.

"Like this little thing could kill me-"

"Think about it Ciel", Sebastian said and looked at Ciel with pained eyes. "Remember the amusement park? I pulled you through so many devices, think all the turns and bumps and twists. Your ribs are broken! They could have pierced your longue! Or something else!"

"You're overreacting", Ciel said but hid his face. To Sebastian it looked like Ciel hadn't even thought about it and it made him even angrier.

"I'm not overreacting, you are underreacting!" Sebastian yelled and made Ciel twitch slightly. "How do you think I feel to know I made you hurt like this?"

Sebastian pulled Ciel to face him and leaned in so close that their noses almost touched.

"It would have killed me", his voice was so low and quiet he wondered if Ciel even heard him. The boy swallowed and a small blush crept to his face but he said nothing. Sebastian closed his eyes and pushed Ciel away. He turned his back to the boy and walked to the door.

"Where are you going?" Ciel asked and Sebastian stopped. He took a deep breath and straightened his back, still not looking at Ciel.

"I need time to calm down. You can rest, I'll make us a bath and something to eat", he said and shut the door. Sebastian knew that Ciel was confused, he was too. He had never guessed that he would actually yell at the boy. What made it worse; Ciel had no idea why he was feeling that way.

Sebastian walked to the bookshelf and looked at the picture of the black-haired man and a cat. It had been two years already? Sebastian could still feel the pain in his heart whenever he looked at the picture and closed his eyes. He pressed the picture to his forehead and fought to keep the tears back.

"Claude", he whispered. "I'm so sorry."

If he just had listened to the man. If he only noticed all the warning signs, it wouldn't have happened. Now the same thing almost happened with Ciel too! He was blind, and it was causing the boy trouble. Why didn't he learn?! Did it need another life to make him realize his mistakes? Sebastian knew he wouldn't be able to handle the loss of Ciel. Not when the boy was the only thing to keep him walking.

It took Sebastian half an hour to collect his thoughts and prepare the bath and dinner. By the time he was done, Ciel had already fallen asleep and Sebastian wondered if he should wake the boy up or not. He stood on the door and looked in to the dark room. Ciel looked so peaceful and calm, his body curled up to a comfortable position, hugging his blanket. He looked like a little child, naïve and pure, like there was nothing in the whole world that could harm him.

Coming to think of it, it was the first time during the whole week that Ciel slept so peacefully. Every night Sebastian woke up from his muffled scream or crying the boy struggled to keep hidden. Sebastian hadn't told Ciel that he knew about his nightmares. It was something the boy would tell him when the time was right. Somehow he doubted that was ever happening. Ciel kept a wall between himself and the outer world. The wall was built by his experiences and was very difficult to break down. During this week though, Sebastian noticed that Ciel was starting to break the wall down himself, letting Sebastian in to his personal space, even if it was just a little. Sebastian wondered if anyone had ever gotten as far as him.

A slight knock to his feet brought Sebastian back from his thoughts and he looked down to a white cat brushing against his feet.

"Hello Queen", Sebastian smiled and lifted the cat to his lap. "You worried too?"

The cat nuzzled against Sebastian's chin and licked gently with her rough tongue. Sebastian smiled and scratched the back of the cat's ear.

"I'm fine", Sebastian whispered and the cat purred in response. "He's not Claude."

Suddenly a black creature ran between Sebastian's legs to the room and jumped to the bed.

"Ace, no!" Sebastian hissed and went after the cat, just a nick too late. The cat raised his paw and scratched Ciel's arm.

"Oww!" Ciel yelped and startled awake. "What the-"

Ace stood next to Ciel, his back arched and teeth bared as he hissed angrily. For a moment they just looked at each other before Ace licked his lips and relaxed.

"Did he hurt you?" Sebastian asked and rushed to Ciel, dropping Queen on the way. The lady let out a protesting meow and walked out the room.

"Not badly", Ciel said and licked the long scrapes the cat's claws left behind.

"I'm sorry, I didn't manage to stop him", Sebastian said and lifted the black cat to the floor.

"You say that a lot", Ciel said and looked at Sebastian.

"Say what a lot?"

"That you're sorry", Ciel said and placed his hand gently to Sebastian's cheek. The man blushed slightly by the bold action of the boy and couldn't find any words. "Not everything is your fault, you know."

"He's my cat", Sebastian defended.

"It has a mind of its own", Ciel stated and Sebastian snorted.

"Yeah, he sure does."

Sebastian looked Ciel deeply to the eye and placed his own hand over Ciel's.

"Thank you", he said and closed his eyes, leaning closer to the boy's hand.

"For what?" Ciel tried to sound calm but Sebastian could feel his pulse increasing. He smiled sweetly and kissed Ciel's palm gently.

"That you're here."

Ciel blushed deeply and turned his head away. Sebastian found it very cute and turned Ciel's head back to himself. Their eyes locked and Sebastian noticed Ciel's breathing increase. The boy was so cute he had the sudden urge to kiss him. The urge grew stronger and stronger the more he looked at the boy and soon found it impossible to pull away. His mind was going hazy, all rational thoughts disappearing completely. What was left were only the feelings towards Ciel, no embarrassment, no anguish, only the deep feelings towards the beautiful boy in front of him.

"You're beautiful", Sebastian whispered and traced his fingers along Ciel's face. "Truly beautiful."

"Again with the sweet talk", Ciel whispered back but did nothing to pull away. The boy closed his eyes and leaned in closer. It was a clear hint for Sebastian but somehow he just couldn't do it. Not yet.

"Let's go", Sebastian said and pulled away from Ciel.

"Where to?" Ciel asked, a deep frown appeared to his face but Sebastian only smiled in response.

"Bath."

"You mean like… together?" Ciel gasped and blushed even deeper. Sebastian nodded and lifted the boy to his arms.

"Of course together, what else", Sebastian hugged Ciel closer to his body and for once Ciel didn't struggle one bit.

"… But just because I'm sick. Otherwise I would never bath with you", Ciel said and hid his face to the nook of Sebastian's neck.

"Just because you're sick", Sebastian repeated and took Ciel to his huge bathroom. He gently put the boy to sit next to the sinks and started to undo his buttons. He made sure he didn't touch Ciel's skin any more than necessary, only traced it with his eyes.

Ciel looked amazing, his small frame just perfect to fit his arms. Though the bruises and some old scars lied here and there, covering almost every part of the boy's chest, they didn't make him one bit less alluring. Sebastian moved the shirt off and swallowed when his hands moved to the waistband of Ciel's pants. He looked up to Ciel and noticed that the boy was slightly flushed, his deep blue eye focused on Sebastian's hands. The boy nodded and let Sebastian pull the pants down. Now Ciel was left only to his boxers and Sebastian smiled when he noticed the small bulge right next to his long fingers.

"Do I make you horny?" Sebastian asked, his voice hinting a bit amuse. He hadn't thought the boy could be this forward.

"Yes", Ciel breathed, his eye lusty as locked at Sebastian.

"I thought you weren't letting me sleep with you", Sebastian teased and gently brushed Ciel's knee, earning a shudder from the boy.

"I must be sicker than I thought", Ciel said and closed his eye when Sebastian's hand traced higher to his waist. Sebastian smirked when Ciel shuddered when he slightly squeezed just above his knee. This boy was sensitive, it would be fun to make him go wild.

Sebastian let go of the boy and earned a confused look from him.

"I can't go to the bath with my clothes on can I", Sebastian smiled. He started to undo his buttons, eyes locked to Ciel when the boy suddenly plunged against Sebastian and started to pull his shirt off.

"Easy there", Sebastian laughed and took Ciel's hands to his own.

"I want to undress you", Ciel said, his voice filled with lust.

"Maybe some other time", Sebastian promised and quickly undid his own clothes. He noticed Ciel's eyes stop to his own proudly standing manhood and smirked.

"See something you like?"

Ciel nodded. Sebastian walked to Ciel and kneeled in front of him, putting his hands to the waistband of the boy's boxers. He pulled them down slowly, keeping his eyes locked to Ciel's. The boy was flushed and breathing heavily. Sebastian made sure he didn't touch the boy again and pulled the boxers down. When they were off, he turned around and lowered himself to the bath. A moan escaped his lips when the water hit his skin and made him relax.

"You coming or not?" He asked and looked at Ciel who seemed to have an inner struggle with himself. The boy glanced at the door and then at Sebastian, biting his lip. Sebastian felt a bit victorious when the boy walked towards him and lowered his body to the bath. It took all the resistance Sebastian had not to jump the boy right away and he calmly sat on his own place, waiting for Ciel to do the first move. Ciel sat opposite to Sebastian, looking shyly to the white floor. Sebastian could see Ciel was nervous and oddly, it made him feel nervous too.

Slowly the boy started to move towards him, his blue eye shyly looking at the man. Sebastian felt his heart beat faster every second Ciel came closer and almost stop when the boy climbed to his lap.

"Are you sure about this?" Sebastian whispered and placed his hands on Ciel's waist, rubbing soothingly. Ciel didn't say anything, only nodded and leaned in closer to kiss Sebastian.

"No", Sebastian stopped the boy and looked him deeply in the eye. "I need you to say it."

Ciel bit his lip and looked away for a moment. Sebastian saw the pain and anxiety in the boy's eye and sighted, pulling the boy to a firm embrace.

"It's okay, you don't have to force yourself", Sebastian whispered to the boy's ear and leaned back.

"But you're the client", Ciel whispered.

"It doesn't change anything", Sebastian said. Ciel lied his head against Sebastian's shoulder and breathed in deep, relaxing on the man's lap. Sebastian drew soothing circles to the boy's back and let the warm water relax his own tense body.

They sat quietly, listening to their breathing and the bubbling of the water. It had been some time since Sebastian felt so relaxed and calm; it was like a heaven on earth. He pulled Ciel closer to his chest and placed his chin on top of the boy's head. Ciel flinched a bit but didn't pull away. The boy smelled heavenly and Sebastian found his body growing hotter and hotter as the lust started to take control of his mind. He had waited for two years to touch Ciel, and now the boy sat on his lap. Something he yearned was right in front of him and he couldn't take it? He had to find another way.

Sebastian moved his hand slowly to the boy's leg and moved it slowly upwards; testing whether or not the boy wanted it. Ciel shivered slightly and gasped when Sebastian moved his hand gently up and down the leg. A sight escaped his own lips when he felt the smooth skin under his palm and closed his eyes, leaning a bit closer to Ciel.

"Does it feel uncomfortable?" Sebastian asked and Ciel shook his head. Sebastian traced his hand higher and played with the knee for a moment. "Remember to tell me if you don't like something."

"Okay", Ciel gasped an answer and kissed Sebastian's chin sweetly. The man smirked and placed his own lips against Ciel's to a gentle, soft kiss.

He traced his tongue along Ciel's lower lip. The boy moaned and opened his mouth but Sebastian teased him just a little longer before tasting the hot cavern. It was more arousing than he had imagined. Ciel tasted sweet and was heatedly answering to the kiss. Sebastian bent Ciel's head back and deepened the kiss, examining every part of the boy he could find. His own arousal was slowly growing and he could feel Ciel's body heat rise too. It was just a simple kiss and he already felt so strongly. He couldn't even imagine how it would have felt to be inside the boy. The thought of it made him moan to the boy's mouth and Ciel answered it by brushing his body against Sebastian's.

Sebastian slowly pulled away and laid his forehead against Ciel's, letting their breathing ease up. He traced his hand around Ciel's waist and squeezed his butt lightly. Ciel startled and his eyes popped open.

"No!"

"That's a no-zone?" Sebastian asked and moved his hand away immediately. Ciel hid his head and didn't answer but Sebastian had gotten his reply already. He kissed Ciel's hair sweetly and moved to his ear. Licking it gently.

It was like he just found a weird switch for Ciel's body arched and he moaned loudly, gripping Sebastian's shoulders tightly. Sebastian continued to abuse the ear, licking and nibbling it gently as Ciel moaned louder and louder. He moved slowly, driving Ciel mad and the boy breathed heavily, trying to get enough oxygen to his lounges.

"Does it feel good?" Sebastian smirked. He knew the answer already but wanted Ciel to say it.

"Nnnh", Ciel moaned and nodded.

"Say it", Sebastian whispered to his ear and nibbled a bit harder this time. Ciel's body arched and he grind his hips against Sebastian's. The man could feel Ciel's hard arousal poking at his stomach and chuckled. "I want you to say it."

"Y…s", Ciel managed to let out between his moans.

"What? I didn't hear you", Sebastian teased.

"…Feels… Good", Ciel whispered and that was enough to break the last strand of resistance Sebastian had left. He swung them over, Ciel now leaning against the white porcelain. Sebastian covered the boy's body with his own and grind their arousals together.

"Nngh", Ciel moaned when they touched, his moan muffled by Sebastian's mouth. "S-sebastian."

"What?"

"H-hurts."

Sebastian immediately let go of the boy and apologized.

"Where does it hurt?"

Ciel blushed deeply and pointed down. Sebastian followed his movement and smirked widely when he saw the proudly standing member twitching on the water.

"You want me to do something about it?" Sebastian leaned in closed and kissed Ciel sweetly. He moved his hand to the boy's hard member and squeezed lightly. Ciel hissed to Sebastian's mouth and wrapped his hands around the man's shoulders. Sebastian kept on a slow pace and enjoyed the feeling of Ciel's body against his. He looked at Ciel's flushed face and glassy eye and couldn't help thinking how beautiful the boy looked.

Sebastian kissed Ciel deeply and sped up his movements, making Ciel moan loudly and grab Sebastian's shoulders even tighter.

"N-no… Ah! C-cum-!"

Sebastian sucked Ciel's lip and that was the final straw, Ciel came hard, his body arching beautifully as his eyes shut close, a frown appearing to his beautiful face. Sebastian breathed heavily and looked at Ciel the whole time, keeping his hand moving throughout his orgasm. When Ciel's body relaxed, Sebastian wrapped it tightly to his embrace.

"Did it feel good?"

Ciel didn't answer.

"Ciel?"

Sebastian looked down and saw Ciel sleeping on his arms, his eyes closed and breathing even. Sebastian smirked and kissed the boy gently. His own proudly standing manhood screamed for attention but he couldn't take care of it now. It was enough to let Ciel come, enough to see the boy relax to his embrace. He couldn't ask for more.

Ciel rolled to his back and looked up to the ceiling. His head still felt drowsy and feverish but it was getting better. He felt like something had happened, something he wanted to remember but just couldn't. He yawned and rolled to his side to see Sebastian's naked chest right in front of his face. With a loud yelp the boy pushed himself away as far as he could. What was happening? Why was Sebastian in bed wit him, naked? Ciel looked down to his own body and shuddered. Moreover, why was he naked too?

Memories of the evening came to him and he blushed deeply when he remembered Sebastian's hands run across his body. It was slowly sinking in: he had let Sebastian touch him. Though it had been the fever talking, he had liked it. A lot. Glad that Sebastian was sound asleep, Ciel rolled closer to the warmth and hid his blushed face to Sebastian's chest. It was an understatement to say it had felt good. It had been like a heaven on earth, like they were meant to be. The feeling somewhat scared Ciel though. It didn't make sense why he felt so strongly towards the man who was surely just playing with him.

No. Sebastian wasn't playing, that had been proven just a couple of moments ago. Sebastian had done everything to make Ciel trust him: never hurt him and thought about him first in every situations. Even when he yelled at him, it didn't feel like Sebastian was angry at Ciel. Could he really trust the man? A small voice in his head said he couldn't, but he found it impossible to fight against the man. Sebastian had done everything for Ciel, it was time to give him something back.

Suddenly a hand wrapped around Ciel's naked body and pulled him closer towards Sebastian's chest. The feeling of skin meeting skin made Ciel blush slightly and smile. It felt good and safe, just what he needed at the moment.

"Don't go", Sebastian moaned in his sleep and Ciel chuckled. Another side he didn't know about Sebastian. Ciel felt a huge smile appear to his face when Sebastian pulled him closer and repeated his words. Even in his sleep the man cherished him.

"I'm not going anywhere", Ciel chuckled and felt Sebastian tighten his grip. The moment was perfect and Ciel truly wished the morning never came. They had only one day left and it was so little time for them, right when they finally started to understand each other. Ciel found it harder and harder to hope getting back home to Alois, to go where he was meant to be. To think that in less than a week Sebastian had managed to turn his mind upside down and make him yearn for the man even when they were this close.

"…ve you", Sebastian breathed to Ciel's ear and made the boy blush heavily. What? What did he just say? Ciel's heart beat faster as he held his breath to hear more clearly.

"I love you", Sebastian kissed Ciel's hair and the boy felt butterflies appear to his stomach. Had he heard wrong? For a moment Ciel couldn't move, couldn't think, the words slowly sinking to his mind. Sebastian loved him? For real? Ciel snuggled closer to the man and fought the urge to wake him up and kiss him deeply.

"Don't leave", Sebastian whispered and Ciel took a deep breath of the man's scent, letting it wrap him to a gentle embrace. "I love you, Claude."

It was just a one word. One word that made Ciel's whole world crumble down. One word, that made the coldness appear to his chest again and sweep away all the gentle feelings he had felt.

Claude.

**Hello again! Thank you so much from your amazing reviews and favorites and follows and everything! They truly make me happy! Please feel free to share your thoughts about this story, I love to hear what you people think :)**

**Sorry this chapter was so short but it was the best I could manage right now. Chapter 6 will be when it will be, I'm not going to stress about it since I have too much to stress about anyway. I hope I can update sooner than after six weeks, but we'll just see. Please be patient. After all, the story is just starting ;)**

**Thank you so much for reading!**

**NOTE: 20.3.2014**

**I corrected some mistakes. Not all though. I just noticed I used this word "slightly" a bit too much. It actually made me laugh how I didn't notice it while writing XD But hey, I have dyslexia so don't shoot me! Feel free to tell mistakes (missing words, repetition too much etc.), I'd appreciate it much because I can't find all of them by myself : )**


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